The Heart Of A Fighter

Chapter 45. Your home

"A-all this time you didn't know? I can't believe you, woman."

"What do I have to know, then? When you don't even make things clear to me? You know I'm confused so please just enlighten me..."

"Okay. I'm sorry for making you confused....I..I like you, okay? Does that enlightened you?"

"You know, it's hard for me to voice out what I'm feeling.... You know, I am not used to this though its unbelievably fact--but don't worry. I am not expecting you to say any words. You don't have to like me back, either."

Hindi ko alam kung saang lupalop na napadpad ang aking isipan, basta bigla ko nalang naalala ang mga salitang iyon na binitawan niya. Nung mga panahong wala pa akong maalala.

Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba iyon. Kung seryoso ba siya o ano. I don't know if he was playing with my feelings or fooling around.

And as I said, he's really unpredictable and different now. But I'm sure that he is really something. And suddenly, suddenly...I am starting to doubt him. I don't know if I should still trust him this time. And honestly, I hate having thoughts like this about him because he's my best friend.

Best friend...

I don't even know if he still my best friend. If he still the boy I used to know before.

In the four years passed, I know that there's a lot of changes or happened by that time. He told me about his father who really sent him bunch of frustration. He committed on a crime. He lost his older brother. His Mom and dad got separated. And I don't have the idea kung ano pa ang kanyang mga pinagdaanan dati.

I think, I don't have the right to judge him. He's been through a lot and I don't know how in pain he was. I wasn't there to console him. I didn't see his griefness and longing but, those were sometimes reflecting on his eyes. I somehow understand him why he suddenly acted that way. Pain truly changes a person.

But I still hate him. I hate how he makes me confused and curious.

I don't know what to think and believe anymore.

Hindi siya ganoon ka vocal pagdating sa nararamdaman niya pero lagi itong nag-oopen up saakin tungkol sa pamilya niya dati. I didn't ask him to do so but himself. Nagkukusa siya. Pero ngayon, ibang-iba na. Feels like he was just despises me from his life. Na parang nabalewala lahat ng pinagsamahan namin dati.

Those thoughts keeps bothering and somehow.... Hurting me.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata at pinilit na makatulog kinagabihan. Mag-mamadaling araw na ngunit hindi pa rin ako makatulog.