The Heart Of A Fighter

Simula

Simula

Is it normal to feel such longing without certainty?

Is it normal to feel pain, sadness, emptiness, those feelings that I don't know what's the reason behind?

Weird right?

I may physically, mentally, spiritually healthy but, emotionally? I think, I'm not.

There's something uncertain feeling inside me seeking for the answers. It urges me to find the answers but I don't know where to start.

Unfortunately, I don't know how and why. I don't even know what is it.

It's really hard to feel what I feel. I definitely know where I am yet, I feel so lost.

So lost.

4 years ago......

Dahan-dahan kong iminulat at aking mga mata. Napapikit ako ulit nang sumalubong saakin ang napakaliwanag na ilaw sa kisame.

Inilibot ko ang paningin sa lugar kung nasaan ako nang makapag-adjust na ang paningin ko sa liwanag.

Langhap ko ang iba't-ibang amoy ng gamot sa buong silid.

May nakita akong LED TV, isang mahabang sofa, centre table at mesa sa gilid ng higaan ko na may basket ng mga prutas at may nakita rin akong bulaklak.

Nakaramdam ako ng uhaw kaya aabutin ko sana ang isang bottled water na nasa gilid ng mesa katabi ng higaan ko. Natigilan ako ng mapansin ang naka-konekta sa wrist ko. It's an IV fluids.

Wait? So nasa hospital ako? Bulong ko sa sarili nang mapagtanto.

Anong ginagawa ko dito? Bakit ako narito?

I started panicking.

Akmang tatayo na sana ako nang biglang kumirot ang ulo ko. Napahawak ako rito. May nakalagay na benda.

Napabalik ako sa higa at napa-  halukipkip nang mas kumirot pa lalo ang ulo ko. Napapikit ako ng mariin sa sobrang sakit.

My head is aching like something smashing it hard as if going to explode anytime.

The pain is getting more severe that really sent me to hell!

Oh God! Please help me...

Halos magwala ako sa higaan ko nang hindi pa kumakalma ang sakit nito.

It hurts a lot.

More than a couple of minutes had passed, hopefully, the pain is fading away. Humiga ako ng maayos at pumikit saka huminga ng malalim.

Thank God.

Ilang saglit akong nanatiling ganoon.

And then suddenly, there is some pictures that keeps on flashing on my head but, its blurred. I can't recognise it.

Maya-maya, ang mga larawan na nakikita ko sa aking isipan ay naging isang pangyayare na hindi ko matandaan kung kailan at sino ang kasama ko.

I was with a mid-age man beside me riding on a car. I was not able to see his face because I'm busy playing candy crush on my iPod.

"Nice move, huh?" The man beside me uttered.

"Am I?" I asked without glancing at him.

"Yes, you are." He answered.

I just smiled.

And then I'm about to click the "next level" button when I heard a loud speed brake on our car.

"Hey! What was that?" The man beside me exclaimed.

The driver didn't answered. I saw the driver's hardships in controlling the car steering wheel that caused him to not respond.

I was scared and nervous. I accidentally dropped my gadget, but I didn't bother to find it. I hugged the man and he hugged me too tight.

And suddenly, as I looked outside, I saw that we were heading to a big trunk of Acacia tree, and seconds later everything went black.

Napapikit ako ng mariin ng kumirot ulit ang ulo ko.

Ngunit sa awa ng panginoon ay nawala rin agad iyon.

Ang mga pangyayaring nakita ko sa aking isipan ay lubos na nakakasama sa lagay ko sa tuwing inaala ko ito at ang iba pang nangyari pero tanging iyon lamang ang naalala ko.