He Who Never Liked A Girl Before

CHAPTER 7

Funny how I seem not to grow tired of the same things repeatedly happening to me everyday I start and finish my day. It feels like you're just going to wake up all over again to do the things you've got to do yesterday. Nakakasawa at paulit-ulit pero wala kang magagawa para mabago iyon.

I feel like waking up every morning with a very heavy heart and bothered mind but that's always bearable. Hindi ko malaman kung bakit nagagawa kong hindi na indahan iyon. For some reasons, I thought the feeling is not really bearabLe. It just happened that you're almost experiencing the intense pain everyday that you got used to it. You're already fond of lifting the same burden that it became not a big deal anymore. Hindi talaga nawala ang sakit at bigat ng loob. Nandiyan pa rin. Kaya lang, nasanay ka ng maramdaman iyon kaya hindi na masiyadong masakit. Hindi na masiyadong mabigat.

And with that, the increase of the possible chance of our survival depends on our ability to stay awake. At some point, we need to keep going, regardless of seeming obstacles and challenges you go through.

Like a peasant who only has limited movements and acts just accordingly to what is being told to him. Like a soldier, moving stiff and sure in order to accomplish the command given. Like a robot doing things we may or may not like to please our master.

But the hope is still there. A hope that every morning you wake up, something wonderful will happen. That the new morning you have will somehow be different from yesterday.

I wake up the next morning doing the same routine. Really, I can move without minding what my next step will be. Because what I'm supposed to do is already programmed on my mind. Hindi na kailangang pag-isipan pa dahil araw-araw mo na iyong ginagawa. Wala nang bago at nakakagulat.

Binaybay ko ang direksiyong pamilyar na pamilyar na sa akin kahit hindi ko man madalas na daanan. Ang bawat hakbang ay marahan ngunit diretso, senyales na sigurado sa patutunguhan. I roamed my eyes around the area only to see the other students tracing their own way to their own classrooms. Napabuntong-hininga ako at ipinokus na lamang tingin sa sariling dinaraanan.

For this morning, I managed to change my route. Dumaan ako sa ibang daan na magdadala sa akin nang mabilis sa canteen. Pagkarating doon ay hinintay kong maibigay ng tinderang nakabantay ang binili kong tubig. Pagkuwa'y tinanggap ko iyon at nagpasiyang dumiresto na sa sariling silid.

Diretso ang tingin sa daan ay napansin ko ang isang lalaking nakadungaw mula sa pinto ng kanilang klasrum. Kasalukuyan akong naglalakad sa may likod ng stage at kailangan ko munang lampasan ang dalawang magkakasunod na klasrum ng grade 10 at faculty room bago pa marating ang room namin.

My mind withered at the thought that I'll be walking near Cielo's classroom. Kung dati ay wala lang sa akin ang pagdaan dito, ngayon ay binabagabag na ako. I still can't move on to what happened yesterday. Just yesterday. That is the one and only reason for my early arrival today. Mangilan-ngilan pa lamang ang mga estudyanteng nakikita ko sa campus dahil masiyado pang maaga. That's why, I am confident that he's not already inside the campus this early. Boys normally go to school late. Iyon ang madalas kong mapansin lalo na sa mga kaklase.

"Nandiyan na si Cania!" Humigpit ang pakakahawak ko sa libro dahil sa narinig. My heart suddenly pounded so hard. I wonder if it was just exercising? Do hearts exercise? Ngumiwi ako sa walang kwentang ideyang naisip. Nagbubuhol na ang utak ko at hindi na mapangalanan ang nararamdaman.

I know something is up. And this early, huh?

Bothered by what I just heard, I managed to walk calm and confident. Sa isip ay pinagagalitan na ang dibdib sa marahas at nakakapanakit nitong pagtibok. Hindi pa nakababawi sa kahihiyang tinamo simula kahapon, dumungaw na naman sa akin ang panibago. Muntik ko nang mabitawan ang librong hawak nang walang ano-ano'y lumabas mula sa kanilang silid si Cielo. And he's not the only one. On his both side is his classmates and to make it more specific, he's now with his friends.