First Glance (Kellic)

32: Farewell, Dear Friend

My heart stops. I stare at him wide-eyed. "No- no he's not," I speak. "He's not. He can't."

He gives me an empathetic look. "Kellin-"

"No!" I shout. "Get away from me," I swat away his hand. I claw at the door handle and stumble out the car. Tears stream down my face and I shakily wrap my arms around myself. I step towards the apartment when my brain screams and I collapse. 

"Kellin!" Vic runs over to me and grabs my shoulders. I scream at his face and slap his arm. He gives me a look. "Kellin, calm down. Take a deep breath-"

"No!" I shout, my throat going rough. "Fuck this," I sob out. "Fuck all of this." Tears hit the pavement and he sighs. 

"Please, we have to go see him," he mumbles. 

I shove him and slowly find my way up to my feet. I slowly make my way over to a wall and lean against it. 

He can't be d- gone. He can't. 

I scream into my hands and hit my head against the brick. My fingers curl up my hair and I close my eyes. I can hear my heart beating in my ears. 

A pair of arms wrap around me. I scream again and start hitting him. Vic just calmly shushes me, desperate to calm me down. I finally let myself break down. I sob into his shoulder, gripping his shirt. 

"Kellin, we have to go," he whispers softly. I nod slowly, tears still rolling down my face. He lets me lean on him as we walk to the car. I try and breath when I sit down. He takes a deep breath before starting the car. 

~~~

We pull to a stop in the middle of a forest. I hope he didn't feel pain. Vic helps me out and to the large ring of cars. I lean against him, not feeling enough energy to hold myself up. 

Jaime walks over to us, his eyes red and filled with tears. "Vic," he croaks out. I stand up off Vic and he rushes to Jaime. Jaime breaks down sobbing. I look over at Vic. He must be the strongest one here. 

I look over and see Awsten and Andy. I notice Awsten's hands shaking. In fact, his entire body is slightly shaking. Andy wraps his arm around Awsten. 

Without even thinking, I start towards them. Andy notices first and turns. "Kellin," he speaks softly. I never thought he could ever sound so... Broken. 

Awsten glances at me. "Um, we found Alex," he starts. My stomach sinks. "No, not like that- uh," he nods his head towards a van. I look in and see Alex sitting in the backseat. "He was just wandering around the forest around, looking confused. We found some cuts and bruises, but other than that," he clears his throat. 

Andy wraps both arms around the smaller boy. "Kellin, I should explain what exactly happened," he starts softly. "We finally got a location on where Tony is-was," he sighs. "Anyway, we came down, thinking we were just going to pick him up. But instead, we found the car," he gestures to the charred-black car. "In flames. After we got the fire out, we tested for DNA, and we found Tony's in the car. We also managed to salvage this ring," he holds up a silver ring. "It was Tony's." 

I glance back at Vic and Jaime. 

"I was going to give it to Jaime," Andy sighs. "But I did the cowardly thing and backed out," he glances down at Awsten. 

"Can I give it to him?" I ask softly. He nods and carefully drops the ring into my palm. I step back and see Andy bury his face into Awsten's hair. 

I walk over to Vic and Jaime. Jaime just stares blankly, tears still running down his face. "Jaime," I speak softly. He glances at me. Vic gives me a sad look. "They found this," I open my palm to show him the ring. 

He stares at it. His hand trembles as he reaches for the ring. He gasps, a smile creeping over his lips. "Tony and I both got one after our first mission together. This was before Vic came along," he speaks softly, the emotion in his voice making my heart heavy. 

He pulls the chain necklace around his neck to reveal the same ring hanging on the chain. "He just preferred to wear it like an actual ring," he speaks, a soft laugh leaving his lips. 

He unclasps the necklace around his neck and adds the second one. "We even got our initial on it. Sure, it's dumb being agents but still," he smiles at the two rings. 

I glance at Vic, who just stares at the ground. I walk over to him and grab his hand. He looks at me and presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Agent Preciado," a man says, walking up to us. "They tested again," he starts. Vic looks up. "We can confirm that it is Tony Perry's DNA in the car. We tested everything, he was the only one in the car."  

Jaime nods and the man walks away. Vic stares at the car. "They never even found a body," Jaime speaks. "When we got here, the car was upside-down and in flames. After we got the fire out, they turned the car over. Decided to test for DNA, and-" he sighs. "They assume it was an explosion. Hot enough that it burned him completely. But I don't even know if it's possible. But at least it means he didn't feel much pain." 

Good. I glance at Vic, he looks torn. A mix of sad and... Dull. "At least he didn't suffer, right?" I say, staring right at Vic. He nods slowly, almost robotically. 

"Vic," I whisper. "Can we talk?" 

He stares at me and nods. Jaime walks away, over to Oli. I grab Vic's wrist and we walk over to a less populated area. 

"Vic, talk to me," I hold his hand with both of mine. "Please, come on. I watch you stand there, saying nothing. But you aren't crying or anything-"

"Because I don't know how to feel," he speaks in a low voice. "Kellin, don't you get it? One of my best friends just-" he cuts himself off, pulling away from me. "How am I supposed to react?" 

"I don't know. But you can't just keep it all to yourself, you're hiding it, and that shit is going to build into something bigger. What you do know, won't be as bad as what you do later if you bottle it up." 

He scoffs. "Kellin, please. I've dealt with death before. I'll be fine, just leave me alone for a bit, alright?" 

"Vic, no. If I've learned anything at all, you have to talk-"

"Well I don't talk, okay?" He raises his voice. "Kellin, I don't talk about it because it's better to forget! When was the last time you dealt with a death of someone close?" 

I shake my head. "I haven't. But people around me-"

"I got through my brother's death, alright? I can get through this," he turns away from me, visibly shaking. 

"Vic, what are you talking about? You don't have a brother-"

"No," he whispers. "But I did. He was my baby brother," his voice cracks. "Mike. He- he was attacked and they- they killed him," he speaks softly. 

"Oh Vic," I place my hand on his shoulder. "I didn't know-"

"How would you have? I never talk about it." He turns around to look me in the eye. Tears stream down his face. He reaches and gently cradles my cheek in his hand. He skims my skin with the pad of his thumb. 

I sigh and pull him into a hug. I bury my face into his shoulder. "I miss him too," I whisper, changing the subject back to Tony.

Vic sighs. "I'm not ready to say goodbye yet," he mumbles. "Not now. I just can't." 

"I know," I answer back. "It's okay to be scared. Just know that I'm here for you, okay?" 

He gives me a slight smile. "I keep forgetting that you study psychology to be a therapist." 

I shrug. "It's a talent of mine," I smile and wrap my arms around his neck.