my pentagon, your universe [updating]

[ t h i r t e e n ]

Tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down on Hongseok's face. The muscles of his chin trembling as the walls that made him strong, collapsed, brick by brick. A wave of guilt crashed against him like a wave so strong, that flooded his whole body with endless pain. If only i could go back in time, and see Jinho again- If only I accepted his confession- If only I could hug him and tell him how much he meant to me-
If only......
His mind screamed like demons louder than thunder, of regrets that overwhelmed him with their wails and screeches, tugging and dragging him into an endless, dark, deep hole of guilt that he thought he would never ever overcome. Then, he felt a flutter, that brushed against him so softly that felt it barely touched him. Tears welled up in his eyes as he opened them, blurring his vision, and he lifted his head up, trembling with the effort. He squinted his eyes at the bright light coming out from the cracks of the boarded window and saw a tiny blur of white and brown. He wiped away the tears with his wet sleeve and looked again. And right there, standing so small and still, was a butterfly on the windowsill, occasionally parting its wings and closing them again, so beautiful, so delicate. The sunlight that escaped into the room shone through its thin wings, and it was that mesmerizing, iridescent glow of the butterfly's wings that filled up the whole room with light.
Hongseok stared at the butterfly as he choked on his tears. Slowly, he stood up and watched that tiny, small little creature and couldn't help but admire how beautiful it was.
Like Jinho.
A sob escaped from his chest as he tried to stifle his cries. He put his hands on his face as he pictured Jinho, so happy and carefree, so precious and silly, and just being himself and making everyone laugh. He pictured the moments they had together, and the way Jinho looked at him. So deep and searching, searching for something deep in his soul so beautiful, that he knew that nothing and no one could ever replace. But now everything is gone, forever. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt darkness engulfing him, leaving him empty, cutting all connections he had with reality... And when he felt all his senses have lost, he felt something land on the back of his hand.
Hongseok stopped and blinked away his tears, and slowly moved his hand away from his face. He sniffed and tilted his hand towards him and what he saw, was that butterfly on the windowsill, gripping on the back of his hand with its tiny legs. Blinking, Hongseok drew his hand closer to him, observing it. The butterfly crawled on his hand until it reached his fingertip. It felt weightless, as if there was nothing on Hongseok's hand. Hongseok turned his hand in multiple angles to look at the butterfly, slowly and gently so he wouldn't disturb it. But the butterfly didn't really seem to care, it just sat there on his finger the whole time, so still, that you wouldn't be able to tell its real. From what Hongseok observed, there were two hazel brown spots on the tip of its pale, white wings. And as he stared at those spots, they seem..... recognizable. He told himself it was stupid, after all it was one ordinary butterfly that wouldn't fly away. But he kept on staring anyways, chasing the memory that he could feel he was closing on, so near that that piece of memory was just at his fingertips...... And then, he remembered.

Eyes.
Hazel, brown eyes.

Then, there was a voice. A voice he heard a hundred- no, a million times before. A voice that felt warm. A voice that he had heard it calling, shouting, laughing, and whispering at the same time. A voice that filled up the insides of his empty soul and flowed his heart with joy and sadness at the same time. A voice that he knew. A voice that he loved. A voice that he craved to listen one more time, echoing through his ears in an almost whisper, "i love you,,". Hongseok's head shot up. He looked from side to side, searching for the mysterious voice. Feeling desperate as he walked through the room, his eyes glancing from corner to corner, searching. Then, the butterfly which was still on his finger after all the commotion parted its wings, catching Hongseok's attention. Hongseok stopped and looked down as he instinctively looked right at the brown spots on the butterfly. And everything clicked. No- He shook his head in disbelief, It can't be- Drowned in shock, he barely noticed when the butterfly flew off of his finger and landed on the small crack of the wooden board that were pinned to the window. Hongseok jolted his head up to look at the butterfly. And then, the voice came again. The voice that he knew would be impossible to hear once again came back with such love and warmth. But at the same time, so sad and unfortunate, said, 'I will always be here, by your side,' And the butterfly flew off between the wooden cracks of the boards on the window. Without hesitation, Hongseok rushed towards the window and ripped off the wooden, crusty boards on the window with such strong force, determination and strength he had never felt before. He threw the last board aside and looked out of the window, the morning sunlight touching his skin as he looked desperately. He looked up, away from the busy streets, and he saw it.
Above from all the chaos and the buildings below, there was the butterfly, fluttering away into the distance, dancing in the sunlit sky, opening its wings once again as Hongseok recognised the hazel brown spots on it. He parted his mouth as a soft smile of wonder and disbelief filled him with a jumble of emotions, but mostly, joy. He looked out into the blue sky as he saw the last of the butterfly disappear from his sight. He breathed out a sigh of relief as he removed his red, sore hands that were grasping the windowsill so tightly and smiled,

'Jinho...''

Author's note: oops seems like i forgot to upload the new chapters here... I promise i'll try to remember okay? anyways- all these reads meant a lot to me... Thank you so much!