Rose #9//Lil Peep

#49✨: Anxiety and Pollution

Looking at Gus, I couldn't help but notice every thought and feeling coursing through me. I hadn't yet understood this sort of reality. Its evident that Gus and I were precisely aligned with each other. I mean, from the moment we shared minimal eye contact at the movie theater (months back), who would've known that we'd be here.

"and Emma decided last minute that she wanted to go."

I hadn't a clue what he was talking about, as shown, I've been in my head the entire time.

"I just wanted to say sorry about that" he added.

And for whatever the apology was for, I nodded. "It's okay."

A pause bestowed upon us, and I for one, didn't have anything to say. Not the slightest.

"Hey, do you remember..."

Lifting my eyes from the sand, I saw a smile begin to form, as his head dangled. "Do you remember when we were little, you wanted to be some sort of biologist? The kind that cares about the ocean and stuff."

It was such a distant thing that my brows furrowed. "Yeah, I don't know, I forgot about that."

It's also evident that Gus is... very familiar with the past, in comparison to me.

"Why do you act like that?" His shot of words, pushed me into a state of confusion as he looked sternly into the distance.

  Genuinely, my concern had to be heard. "What are you talking about?"

"You act like you don't remember us."

I should've been offended or slightly hurt, but in a way, I knew what he was referring to, and there was no way I could excuse it. Rather, I agree and simply... apologize? However, I ended up speaking more than I should, making me lose all credibility. "I just don't remember a lot of things."

"That's stupid."

Stubborn he was, just like I remember, so I began with an apology. Attempting one, at least. "Well, I'm sorry."

But then again, there was a rapid urge to say something that would counter act my opposition, "But instead of forcing memories onto me, you should just let them happen naturally."

Nor did I say it in a matter of fact tone, instead I said it in such a nonchalant way that he resealed into silence, our eyes looking to the sand as we kept walking. Had I made this awkward? I like to think that it was necessary, because truly... I wasn't "acting". And now that I've said this much, I was in fact, in a way, offended and slightly hurt that he pointed that out... But it's not like I can control what I can and cannot remember and he shouldn't hold that against me.

As time proceeded, my only option was to observe our surroundings. Meaning that the sun was hidden behind the blanket of clouds, taking it's warmth with it. The only sound of exception was the birds chirping and the waves crashing.

Still, we hadn't said a word. Looking back, the buildings were becoming smaller but just as I was to suggest that we shouldn't go to far, we approached a ditch.

"There's a tunnel, come on I'll show you."

He leaped, distracting my intent to be... safely aware of how far we've roamed. Instead, I helped myself down as he kept walking, explaining as he went.

"Emma and me found it last year, the further you go in, the smaller the tunnel gets. But we don't know where it leads."

He was steps ahead of me and up came another ditch like area. It was much steeper but effortlessly Gus jumped down, turning to hold out his arms.

Our eyes met momentarily, speaking on the level of security he had for me. Sitting myself at the edge, his hands held at my hips as I maneuver myself downward.

Note: I'm wearing a skirt.

When my feet got in contact with the ground, Gus's hands remained on my waist, our eyes meeting.

That's when I recall the ring my grandpa wears, I was so taken back that I pulled myself away quickly, only to stumble.

His catch brought me back into stability as I could feel my cheeks burn from humiliation. In a murmur, I voiced a 'sorry', avoiding eye contact, and my arms folding tightly against my chest.

Letting out a laugh, he tucked his hands into his pockets, glancing at the shoreline before us. By his expression, I could sense there had to be something on his mind.

After re-engaging our eyes, his body language motioned me to follow, "Come on, we're almost there."

At his side, I noticed we were approaching a gray of cement, shaped as an opening to a tunnel that was facing the ocean. The closer we got, he spoke of a harsh truth to how we... humans treat the world that provides for us.

"It's a sewage, sometimes there's so much trash."

I could feel my fists tighten as we stood over the remaining waste below us. Vividly, a chip bag was caught in the guard net that was swaying with the water rushing up and down.

"When the tides are high, it's too dangerous to be here."

There was an immediate need to hop down to pick up the trash and that's exactly what I did, it didn't matter that I soaked my feet or ruined my shoes.

It was in the midst of collecting the waste that Gus started laughing.

"What!" I spat, my eyes beaming.

"I wanted to know if you were still the same."

Holding the trash to my chest, my brows furrow. My confusion hadn't a clue, "What do you mean?"

"If you still care about the things I remember," he said, jumping down. His words making me realize that he was referring to the memory he had earlier.

It's distinctly clear that being a marine biologist hadn't been on my mind in recent years.

And for Gus to do this, made me extremely... angry. Odd, but that's how I felt. It was so intense that I dropped everything except a plastic bottle and threw it to his chest with such force.

He was completely caught off guard and for whatever reason, my eyes filled with tears. At a blink, they rolled down my face, making me turn away.

But also, it caught me off guard when I arch downward, releasing an upchuck. I gagged and gagged, until another platter hit the rocks below me. The last thing I wanted was to be touched, which he did. Immediately, I shoved his hand away as my heaving subdued into coughing.

"Chris.

Chris.

Chris."

Wiping my mouth with the edge of my sleeve, I didn't look up.

"Chris, it's okay."

Retreating into a shell, I folded my arms, my eyes looking to the rocks and water we stood on.

"Just take me back to the pool— please."

Anxiety and pollution, what a combination.

🐥