Channie and Chaennie's Time

#25 - Loneliness

Jennie POV

I'm trying to understand about all this life at this moment. About everything that I have been through. Including love feeling that I feel.

There are Lisa, Rosé and Jisoo. Those three girls who always right around me all the time.

If there is a question, do you have intention to get married someday? Sure, I'd like to marry someone. Having a good and happy family with my husband and nice children. That's one of my dream too.

But...that's just about the right time, the right time will come to me, because this moment I should work very hard as a singer and dancer, they are my ultimate passion. I can say that I'm very ambitious of this.

And tonight, as I'm sitting on the wall on a big window inside my bedroom, I feel a bit lonely. I'm alone here. Slowly, I start to feel that feeling again. A feeling if Rosie, my hubby is here with me. She is standing near me. Maybe I miss her presence right now, but this feeling is different, I feel loved and warm for a moment, I feel so peaceful. I hug both of my knees. I feel that she smiles at me.

I turn my head to the left side. There is my hubby right in front of me! She wears the same outfit just like the very last time I had a trip on our date on the beach. That clean white t-shirt with pink jacket, high waist blue jeans, and her white sport shoes. Her very long blonde hair and sweet smell of her body amaze me. It's emotional and happy at the same time.

I can't help crying for her, I really miss her, very bad, very bad oh my hubby, please come to me....

I jump on her slowly from the window wall, she catches me easily as she is a very tall girl, I hug her with both of my foot wrapped around her waist. My arms wrap around her neck. Her arms wrap around my back so that we could stay as close as we can, she tightens her grip on me so that I will not fell down or my foot will not touch the floor.

We both pull our head away to look at each other. I begin to analyze her face, her eyes, nose even her smiling lips. I miss her very bad. I'm about to cry as well. This feeling inside my heart craves for her so bad. I really want her.

"My hubby, is it real? Is it really you??" I ask her with shaking voice. My heart beat very fast, between hope and fear. Is it just on my imagination or not? She is still carrying me with my foot wrapped around her waist. She seems never mind about me, thinking about maybe she will feel heavy because of my body weight.

"I am here, my wifey. Just right in front of you..." Rosé said. She smiled.

I'm surprised. This moment I just don't care if it's just in my imagination, it feels so real to me. The warmth around me feel so real.

Slowly, the tears coming out from both of my eyes. Oh God, I really miss my hubby. The one and only.

I start to release myself from her, get down my foot from her waist onto the floor. Then I keep holding both of her chipmunk cheeks by both of my hands, they both are still the same, they look skinnier. I think I should cook for her a lot of delicious and healthy foods as soon as possible so that Rosie can be back to have chubby cheeks again, just like me.

Both of her hands wrap around my waist. Slowly, I kiss her cheeks a few times. Starts from her right cheek and then her left cheek. I keep kissing her cheeks as much as I can, in confused feeling, regret, love, sisterly love, and miss her very bad.

And for the final, I give her a slowly peck kiss on her smooth lips. I took a glance for looking at her face. A pure face of full of kindness and all of her clumsy, cute attitude.

"When are you come back to me again, my hubby?" I ask her with my eyes look of wanting her so much.

"I will come to you soon. But now you need to sleep, Jennie unnie. It's late"

She takes my hand, directs me to the bed. Then I lie on bed while she is pulling the blanket to cover me. She lies behind me, we both are under the same blanket.

"Please face to the wall, don't face me" Rosé said.

I'm confused with what she said. But I don't want to argue her. I just scared of losing her again. Then I face to the wall just like she says. She wraps her arms on my waist as we start to sleep together. I put my hands on top of her hands inside the blanket. I hold her as I don't want to let her go.

"Rosie, I apologize to you...for so many mistakes that I ever did to you. I just...found out that you love me..."

I feel a kiss on my nape, a slow and tender kiss. Slowly she tighten the hug from behind me.

"Don't say apologize to me, Jennie unnie. You deserved the best. Everything I do is just for you.... I love you so much, my wifey"

I decide to turn around my body to face her, to look at her eyes, her sad eyes which really craves for my heart. I can say her eyes were sad because I know if she says something deep, her eyes often looks sad to me. Although I ignored her before and choose to get more involve with Lisa and Jisoo in every chances, but actually I know she is like a kind of lonely girl, among four of us.

Rosé moves her body, tightens her hands on my waist, my stomach inside the blanket. Like she gives me a sign to not turns my body facing her.

"Close your eyes, my wifey. I'll be with you here to accompany you sleeping. Tomorrow is a bright and peaceful day for us both. For Lisa and Jisoo unnie too. I just can't wait..." Rosé said. I can tell her voice is very smooth and comfort to feel. But then I try to think what does that mean? Bright and peaceful day, you said that my hubby?

I swear, it makes me cry again, sobbed very hard without any sound. I feel that she will leave me forever. She will...die... Is it a sign? She can't bare all of the burdens that she has. Other burdens that I really have no idea, no idea because I'm so blind of what she feels. It makes me sobbed again with her hands keep holding me close under the blanket. My hubby, please, don't leave me. I love you, I really love you, so much......

"Let it be....let it be... Let it be...let it be... Whisper words of wisdom, let it be..." I heard her singing behind my ears.*

"My hubby, please don't go, don't go away from me Park Chaeyoung... I love you so much, my hubby...just please stay with me. I need you...." I said to her without facing her. My sleeping position is still the same like at first I lie on this bed.

"I will stay with you, always, all the time, my wifey..."

My eyes start to tired of crying without making any sounds because I don't want to make her more sad or worry about me. Slowly I begin to close my eyes and fall sleep with listening to her singing.

"Oh, when you're cold
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me
When you're on the outside, baby and you can't get in
I will show you, you're so much better than you know
When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you
Darling and I will bring you home..."