Dust ✔️

Chapter Eighteen - Capitulation

Fascinating.

"Does that not make you terrified?" I frowned.

Her quiet, steady posture was enough to drive me insane. What's going on in that head of hers? Why hasn't she called the cops yet?

She blinked a few times and gave me a blank expression. "I want to know the circumstances first, I think," She gave a simple nod.

I raised my eyebrows. "Maybe it's you that's crazy..." I mumbled. "I guess I should clarify," I said and gave a long sigh.

She remained still.

How do I find the words? Once said out loud, it would make it true...

"My friend died." I said. My friend died. "And it's all my fault. He, he... He killed himself - because I wasn't there for him..." Blood started to boil again. "If I was just there for him, he'd still be here. If I wasn't so fucking selfi-"

I got interrupted by her body crashing into mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her body squeezed against me.

I let my muscles take over and wrapped my arms around her waist, taking in the hug. I hadn't realized that I had tears falling from my face until I watched them soak into her sweater. I buried my face in the hair that was resting along her neck, and breathed in her hair. She smelled of vanilla and honey.

"I'm so sorry," She whispered.

Her response forced me to hold her closer to me. I let out a quiet sob, all my regrets, guilt, and grief poured into her. Her fingers played with the locks of hair at the nape of my neck, giving me chills.

When I scraped my knees as a child, I received no sympathy. When I was bullied in elementary school, the touch I'd get was a beating and the comforting words I'd receive is to toughen up. When I ran away from home, when I missed her, when I felt like my life was going to end... Every moment in my life where I was missing physical contact, I drowned Aria with.

"It's okay," she whispered.

I let her go even though I didn't want to. Her pupils were dilated, twice the size than usual which somehow made her eyes look larger.

"I feel so guilty," I said, quiet. "He just needed a friend and I was the only one that was a friend to him. I abandoned him."

"Was he lonely?" She asked softly.

Nodding, I said, "Quite. But that wasn't the issue. He was heavily bullied throughout high school. He didn't deserve the way he was treated." My jaw locked, frustration coming back over me to the thought of the losers we walked the halls with.

I could really use a smoke.

"No one does," She gave a sympathetic smile.

"Fuck," I sigh. "They'd beat on him, Aria. They'd hit him and push him down. They'd emotionally destroy him and he just took it, every single day." My voice matches my mood; aggressive. "No one deserves to be treated like that. No one. When I saw that, I just know how it feels... And I couldn't watch it-"

"You know how it feels?"

Fuck.

She caught me off guard, her once calm face now filled of wonder. I had messed up somewhere in my banter.

"Nevermind that," I said, restrained and callous.

"You can't control other people's decisions," She replies, earnest. She must have caught my reaction and decided to drop that part of the conversation. "He obviously needed professional help to deal with his problems, you can't put the blame on-"