THE NEW BOY | 16+✔️

Chaper 32

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HUNTER'S POV

I awake by the thumping of my head. I make my way to the living room as I rub my temples, Brinley is nowhere to be found. Maybe she finally left even though I didn't actually want her to. I brew myself a cup of coffee and head back to bed. The moment I sit on the side of the bed, a white piece of paper catches my eye on the nightstand. I begin to read and I know exactly who it's from before I read, I recognise her handwriting.

Dear, Hunter

I'm so so sorry the pain I caused you. I knew you didn't trust much people and I didn't help that. I broke your trust and it pains me so much that I broke it. I did what I did because I didn't want to break your heart, I saw how excited you were and I just couldn't do it. While I broke your heart, I broke my own but, you also broke my heart and I can't take all this heart break. Those words you said to me I know you meant them. You looked at me differently with hate and disgust. I will never forgive myself for ruining the one thing that truly made me happy, which was being with you. For that time we were together, the arguments, love, laughs, even though they meant the world to me and nothing to you, I would do it all over again. The amount of pain I feel right now is unbearable and I would still do it all over again just to be with you one more time, crazy huh? One more smile. One more laugh. One more kiss. I would do it just to be with you. I know I've lost you forever I saw it in your eyes, you hate me. I'm so sorry. I'm going away for a while, I can't take seeing you at school or anywhere for that matter. I need to feel better about myself to let myself move on from you. I've never felt this much pain in my entire lifetime. I hope you understand, even though you probably don't care but I thought you should know. Please look after yourself, I couldn't live if you did something stupid. You will always have a place in my heart as my first love. My first everything. I love you forever Hunter Hayes.
-Brinley

I read it over and over again. She's left because of me...because I made her and I don't hate her, I love her so incredibly much, I was just mad. I didn't mean those things, I just wanted to hurt her. This can't be it. I know I told her to leave but I didn't actually want her too, I just needed space and now I've lost her because of my fucking mouth. I've broken her, probably more than she hurt me and I hate myself for that. I should've just kept my mouth shut which I can't do.

I don't care what she's done to me, I'm over it. I'm over what was never mine, I want her.. she's was mine and I've fucked it. I shouldn't have said those things and gotten drunk. I've read this six times now and I just want her back. I know what she did was awful but she wasn't the one that made up the lie. I begin to pull on my hair, I need to go to the gym to release some anger I'm feeling towards myself right now, if I don't I'll go crazy.

I've been at the gym for two hours punching this bag and lifting weights and it still doesn't feel enough. I need more, I need to feel numbness, I need to not think. Fuck it, I'm going to see Darnell he will have something good to help forget and hopefully help me sleep through this mess in my head.

She said she's lost me but really I'm the one that's lost her. I've broken her, I won't get her back so I need to forget about her. It would be selfish to fight for her and act like I did absolutely nothing wrong. I haven't seen Darnell since that night I got stabbed but he has the good shit, I'll gave him cash. Before I know it I'm knocking on his front door and the door creaks open and Darnell's head pops through the crack.

"Shit, Hunter?", Darnell says.

"What's up man, I'm here for a little something", I quietly tell him.

"Yeah, come in man", he moves to the side allowing me to walk inside. I take a seat on the couch. This apartment is a mess, clothes everywhere, it smells of mould and weed. Food wrappers, cups and plates on the coffee table,  along with little empty baggies.

"What you looking for?", He asks me.

"Just to feel numbness man", I tell him.

"Here man", he pulls out a drawer from underneath the coffee table, It's filled with different types of drugs, he hands me a little bag filled with pills then hands me another bag filled with weed.

"Take this and smoke some joints should make you feel better", he pats my shoulder.

"What's the pills?", I question.

"Just take one trust me, it will make up feel better"

"Okay man, how much?", I ask.

"Hundred", he says.

"Sure", I hand him the money and head for the door.

"Hunter?"

"Yeah?" I turn my head.

"I'm sorry we left you", he looks down, ashamed.

"It's alright man. I lived", I smile. I don't really feel anything towards him, no hatred or any sort of anger.

I head back to my apartment and roll myself a joint without tobacco so it hits harder. After I smoke the full joint and I sit thinking of her while my body relaxes. Her laugh, her beautiful smile, her beautiful body. I told her lies and I told her I didn't love her. I told her she was ugly. What I said was no better than what she did. I stand and walk to the kitchen cabinet and pull out a bottle of whiskey. This should help. I take a swig hoping to finally start forgetting. Shit I haven't even went into work today. Cheers to getting fired, I take another swig. All I care about is her, how much I've hurt her and come to think about it I'm not good for her, never will be. She's too good for me and I know it, everyone does.

This is better that she's away from me. I think that's why I purposely ruined it. I'm a fucking dickhead. I sit down on the couch with my whiskey and continue to try forget, I don't think it's possible though. My body is beginning to feel the buzz off the alcohol and I'm loving the feeling it's not helping with her though.

When I go to sloppily take another drink the bottle is empty. What? It's done already, I reach for the bag of pills, I open it, taking a pill in between my fingers and lifted it to my mouth, I swallowed the pill and hope for the best.

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