Waiting For Superman

Thirty

With every broken bone, I swear I lived.

I tossed back and forward all night thinking about everything and everyone. Okay not everything, just the situation I am in and not everyone, just the people involved.

I don’t like Stefan I have known that from the beginning, I mean he is with Ava and they are a beautiful couple.

It has always been Dylan who I have chased, the only guy who I have dreamed of being with.

Then there’s Oliver and part of me likes that Oliver is an exception to everything.

 I didn’t think it was Stefan but it was what Antonio has been implying. He had never met him, only heard about him from previous conversations that we both had.

How is it that from the moment that you let love in, it comes from too many different people? I suppose the question is, who do I truly love back?

“You okay Miss Neavie-Anna?” Dylan asked, he must have been watching me for a while.

I nodded at the thought of not being okay, but pretending I am.

“Good” he said before turning around and away from me.

I sighed quietly. If that was Oliver he would have wanted to know what was on my mind and what was wrong, not focus more on getting himself to sleep but not being able to because I keep moving around.

Although I was with Dylan, my thoughts were forever going back to Spain – finding their way back to Oliver.

“Hard to believe where we are now, your hand in mine babe, feels right some how, the night is so still don’t make a sound, it’s almost perfect baby, so promise you’ll never look down, cause we’ve had our past I know, let’s leave that behind, cause none of it lasts, all that we have is tonight” I have been replaying these lyrics in my head for the past few days now.

“Beautiful, one of a kind, you’re something special baby, you don’t even realize, that you’re my hearts desire, all that I needed and more, I know you’re scared, but I promise babe I’m not who I was before” I would think back to how we danced around his garden with the fairy lights keeping us from fading into the darkness.

“Cause you’re not the only one that’s ever felt this way, don’t let the world cave in, just tell me that you’ll stay, now that the pain is done, there’s no need to be afraid, we don’t have time to waste just tell me that you’ll stay”

He would spin me around in circles and every turn was perfect, I would see the lights all around us and the one thing that my eyes would focus on was his beautiful big brown eyes.

He’d lift me with no hesitation; I would feel light as a feather as he would dance with me in his arms and spin me around continuously.

Dylan turned around to face me for which seemed more of a warning to go to sleep and possibly the last time he would stop looking at me.

I thought to myself, do I need this? When I have someone willing to give me the world and I would give it back.

I turned my back to Dylan and laid on my side to continue thinking about what made me happy, what still makes me happy because of the memories that have been made – but that isn’t the same at all.

I pulled myself out of bed, not worrying about the sound I was making at all.

I heard him let out a sigh. “Where are you going now?”

I laughed a little at his attitude with me; I was starting to reach a point where I just didn’t care.

“I’m going to go and do some writing because I can’t sleep, so no I’m not okay but good night Dylan”

I shut the door behind me and headed to the lounge where my laptop was sitting, with my bottle of wine next to it.

It’s time to write the next chapter.

I did it all; I owned every second that this world could give.