Waiting For Superman

Twenty-three

Give me reason, but don't give me choice, cause I'll just make the same mistake again.

That’s it, the last suitcase is now packed and my baggage is ready for the flight home. Am I though? Have I done all that I’ve needed to do?

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.

“Oliver” I whispered and smiled slightly.

I opened the door and he smiled at me quickly before turning away and walking down the road.

I shut the door behind me and chased after him.

“Where are we going?” I questioned.

“Remember the first night that we visited the bar? Well I’m taking you there for a few drinks and then getting you home so you can rest before your flight tomorrow” he promised.

The promise felt more like a dig at me, but this wasn’t how I wanted my last night to be.

“You could stay with me then?” I grinned at him trying to lighten up the mood.

He wasn’t having any of it; he shook his head in reply. “It is best not to”

I took a step back from this whole situation; he hadn’t held my hand, he was walking a bit of distance away from me, he seemed to want to get there and back just so I can leave for my flight.

“You aren’t okay with me still Oliver” he could hear in my voice that all my humour had disappeared.

He nodded rather than replying.

For the first time in a month, my stubborn side had been brought to the surface, so I ignored the way he was acting and just followed him to the bar.

We had been here already for ten minutes and didn’t say one word to another.

He continued drinking from his bottle and I began biting down my straw at how awkward this all was.

“Oliver, can I talk to you outside of the bar please?” I then continued to finish my drink.

He nodded, drinking the rest of his pint in one.

I just continued to watch him as we both walked across the road and sat down on the bench.

“Neavah stop looking at me” he moaned.

I sighed and looked down at the floor.

 “You had a boyfriend Neavah, how do you think that made me feel?” he shouted

I shrugged my shoulders, I knew it made him feel horrible because I couldn’t be his but we would always be right here.

“I get that Oliver I do and you know that I love you. You have inspired me so much and made this trip worth every penny that I paid” I tried convincing him as much as I could that he was literally everything to me.

I felt him watching me.

“Oliver stop looking at me” I mimicked

“No” he responded.

I felt the smile on his face, making me smile. Smile and the world will smile with you.

“We would always end up here Oliver”

He knew exactly what I meant. He knew that from the second I met him on the plane that I would only be here for a short period of time, but that didn’t stop him from getting to know me and allowing me to see such an adventurous side of life.

Oliver is the only person who is able to be vulnerable, yet strong. He is the only person who is broken, yet almost fixed. Oliver is a character and if I was to be with him, if I was to stay this would pretty much be a fairy tale. However, our situation is not like that at all and I do not get to keep him.

“Neavah, I just hate where we are and yes I knew what I was getting myself into. With Dylan you find that you’ll always want him and with me I find that I’ll always want you – this just sucks because we all want what we can’t have”

“I don’t know what I want Oliver, coming out here was supposed to help me either overcome what I feel for Dylan or make it stronger”

He nodded and managed to always show understanding to what I feel or say.

“But he wasn’t on your mind for the whole time?” although it was a question, it felt more like a big fat fact.

I shook my head, I suppose he wasn’t. “I had you” I assured him.

Now I am too confident for this conversation, I hate alcohol.

“I want you to stay” he moaned.

I took his hand and squeezed it a little.

“So do I, but I can’t and this is what it is. Tomorrow I go home and things go back to normal. I just want you to know that when I do come back here, you are the only person that I want to meet me at that airport” I ordered politely.

And maybe some day we will meet and maybe talk and not just speak, don't buy the promises cause there are no promises I keep.