Waiting For Superman

Twenty-nine

I know this isn’t enough, I still don’t measure up, I’m not prepared sorry is never there when you need it.

“I can’t wait to see you later” Dylan said to me as I arrived in the office on the phone to him.

I paused and smiled slightly before responding to his message.

“You too Dyl, I gotta go”

“Bye babe”

I hung up the phone and placed it into my jacket pocket, putting it on the chair in the corner of the room away from my desk and prepared myself for the phone call that I was going to make.

This could change everything.

“Are you going to call him?” Antonio asked, he watched me for so long it was about time he said something.

I nodded. “Do you want some privacy?” he offered.

I shook my head. “Please stay again” I begged.

He nodded at me. “Of course Neavah”

I smiled slightly, it was a really sad smile and I picked up the phone.

He and I both listened to the ring in my ear. He could hear it from where he was sat.

“Hey Neavah” Oliver greeted me.

I wanted to skip all that; I wanted to remember what happened yesterday. I wanted to feel guilty for moving on, for leading him on, for promising we were something and just cutting him out. I wanted to feel something and I did.

“Oliver, the reason people should visit the country is different to the reasons that I should visit the country” I explained to him.

He was quiet on the other end of the phone, probably thinking if I know Neavah the way I did during the summer then she would begin to explain without the permission to do so.

“I would go back because being without you sends me crazy; I forget all the important things and just focus on other people. For the first time in a long time you made me feel that what I do, and who I am is important. I fell in love with you Oliver and being without you now is the hardest thing I have ever done, but that is why I would come back”

Antonio was nodded as I spoke to him, and I tried to hold back the tears today.

I just imagined that yesterday was the last day I would cry over Oliver or to Oliver down the phone. It made me feel a lot stronger speaking to him from my heart with such emotion that I already felt towards him.

“I fell in love with you and you stayed by my side when I did. When everyone else would run away, you stayed and I miss you, I do”

I put my hand on my forehead at how crazy I was feeling right now. I just sighed and laughed a little before responding to him.

“I just miss you” I assured him.

I heard a sniff at the other end of the phone, but that was better than the silence that was there. When we were silent it didn’t even mean anything bad, it just meant that we enjoyed taking time to process what has been said and think of the best response for one another.

I sat up in my chair and felt my professional side was coming back to me, that I could be professional with Oliver now that I have finally had the chance of telling him why I feel so empty inside.

I sat up in my seat and attempted to tuck my shirt in for the parts that came out when I was walking to work.

“But for anyone else, they would go to the country because it has so much knowledge and so much beautiful experience to offer. I had the time of my life” I explained to him.

I felt him smile slightly through the phone, he knew that this was it and so did I.

“That is exactly what I would have said” he explained.

I nodded and knew he could sense I was doing so.

“Take care of yourself Neavah and allow Dylan to be himself because if he is bad to you I know you will come back to me”

I tensed at the thought of this triangle that I wanted to get out off.

“Thank you Oliver, take care” I said before hanging up the phone and placing it back onto the dial.

Antonio turned away from his computer and faced me from across the room; we weren’t that far apart from each other, our desks were close enough and would contribute to filling up the office we shared alongside some cabinets.

“Explain what is in your head Neavah please”

I sighed before I could explain, thinking of where to start in this whole situation.

“I am in the middle of the madness” I said letting out a little laugh that made him smile at me before going back to the serious face that he had.

“Do you finally want to get out of that madness?” he questioned.

I nodded, of course I did. I didn’t mean or want to get myself into it.

“Yeah I do, but you should know me by now and you should know that I don’t want any trouble”

He looked confused at what I said.

“I just don’t know who you want; I mean do you even want any of them?”

That was it that was the actual question that I needed to be ask. I needed to be asked that question in that exact same sentence in the exact same words.

I shrugged my shoulders but I knew who it was that I wanted.

“Dylan was the one from the beginning, but Oliver was the one that actually changed things for the better, what if there is another guy that you’ve known from the beginning but has changed things for the better?”

“Stefan” I answered.