When The Nights Get Long

Failure

"I'm a failure!" Blue screamed into Aiden's chest, thrashing and screaming into their hands. He held them tight, afraid they'd fall apart if he let go. He kissed the top of their head, rocking them gently in his arms. "I'm a fucking failure. I can't do anything right."

"Blue, it's not your fault," Aiden cooed, whispering into the top of their head.

"The baby's dead," Blue stated, glaring at him. "I drank too much, didn't take care of my body on tour, and now it's dead. I fucking miscarried. Face it, I'm a failure."

Blue sobbed into their hands, shaking and blubbering. They woke up in a pile of their own blood. Right away they knew something was wrong, and Aiden rushed them over to the hospital once they called. Blue knew something was wrong with the baby. There was no way that much blood was supposed to spill when pregnant. Some spotting, sure. But not a massacre.

"I'm so sorry," the nurse said. "But the baby didn't make it."

"What happened?" Aiden asked on Blue's behalf, as they were unable to say anything. The words the baby's dead was all the repeated in their mind.

"Bad health. Your touring seemed to cause stress on the child, and with the fact that your uterus has a bit of an angle, it would have been a miracle if the child did live. Your body is still maturing. I'd wait another few years. The baby has a higher chance of survival then."

"Blue, it wasn't likely the baby would survive anyways. It wasn't just the tour" Aiden said. He had the feeling it wasn't the most comforting thing to say, but with them beating themself up over alcohol and touring, Blue had to remember it was the genetics that screwed them over. It wasn't bad choices alone.

"Isn't it, though?" they asked, their tears finally subsiding. "I'm the one who made the bad choices. And I'm also the one who happens to have a bad uterus. No matter what, it's me and my body's fault. There's no one to blame but me."

"Then blame your body, but don't blame you. There's a difference between the two, and you need to understand-"

"Aiden, I'm tired," Blue sighed, wiping their eyes with their shirt. "I'm going to take a nap. Just...can we please drop it? I don't want to exist right now."

As Blue began to walk up the stairs, Aiden quickly ran up to them and hugged them from behind. "I love you."

They placed their hands over his and sniffled. "I love you, too."

"Where's Blue?" Andrew exclaimed the moment he stepped into his apartment and spotted Aiden on the couch. "Where are they?"

"Sleeping in their room," Aiden replied as he carried the clean sheets back into Andrew's bedroom. "Hope you don't mind, but I did my best to clean up, but there's going to be a faint pink spot on the mattress."

"What happened? Blue didn't say anything, only that they were sorry."

"They miscarried," Aiden stated. He dropped the laundry basket, faced Andrew, and hugged him. "I'm so sorry."

For a few minutes, Andrew remained paralyzed as Aiden continued to hug him. It was difficult to register the news and perceive it as a reality. But the moment it truly sunk in, Andrew fell into Aiden's arms and sobbed. He couldn't imagine what Blue was going through.

"How are they doing? What happened?"

"Blue's a little distant right now. They blame themself, but it wasn't as though they knew they were pregnant or anything about their uterus. It was all just a shock, and I'm sure they're going to go into a depression. Please, please watch out for them. Don't let them spiral."