Lost And Lonely

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The song "Lost and Lonely" by Paloma Faith really captures the mood of this chapter. Check it out!

Maybe sex was a little too early for them. The two did just confess their love for one another. Many steps were skipped. But Blue wanted to have sex with him, because they wanted him to have a special part of them that they reserved for only the most important people in their life.

Andrew's exposed body pressed against their back, his arms tugging them in closer to his chest. This was it. They had confessed their feelings to him, and he had done the same. He made sure they knew he had feelings for them, but were they officially together? Was sex what made couples a couple? Did one of them have to officially ask the other? It had been so long, they forgot.

At least they enjoyed the feeling of him pressing into their back. His warm arms cuddling them close, allowing them to feel loved and supported. And the gentle fan of exhales through his nose were ticklish in all the good ways. Once again, in his arms, they felt innocent. There was nothing they could do wrong.

There was still some doubt. A part of them was convinced that he was still in love with Luke, but would a man who was still in love with someone sleep with their emmer? They doubted it, but there was far too much doubt drowning them already. They had no idea on what was real, what was false. Everything was a mess inside their head.

Figuring it would be best to ignore the doubt, they chose to focus on the now. Andrew was asleep, holding onto them as though they were his favorite childhood teddy bear. And they certainly enjoyed it. When he let go to spin around in his sleep, they couldn't help but flip over to stare at his back. They missed the warmth of his arms, but they viewed it as a sign to leave the bed.

They had only just (potentially) begun to date. What if he was expecting them to sleep in their own bed at night? Would he grow angry and bitter to wake up beside them? They didn't want to be a bother, causing him to be cranky all afternoon because of them. But he did fall asleep cuddling them in their arms. That had to mean he wanted them to sleep with him.

Maybe they were making up excuses again. Maybe they just wanted to be alone and sleep in their own bed for the night. The confusion and insecurity of being in the same room as Andrew, let alone the same bed, was suffocating. Checking to make sure he was absolutely asleep, Blue slowly uncovered themself from the duvet and crept towards the door.

Flickering the light on in their own bedroom, they dragged their feet to their bed and flopped down on their own mattress. They were not wearing any clothes, causing the air conditioner to lick their back, yet they were far to exhausted to covered themself up with the blanket.

As desperate as they were to fall asleep, they couldn't shut their mind up. Were they going to break up as quickly as they chose to (maybe) get together? Was Andrew going to regret it the following day? Did he think they were in a relationship?

There were far too many questions to ponder. They groaned, burying their face into their arms as they attempted to block out more light. All light faded to black in the blink of an eye. They glanced to their door, spotting a figure lurking in the doorway. "If you're going to kill me, do it quick," they mumbled as they felt themself falling to sleep.

"Blue," Andrew groaned. He stepped up to the bed, leaning over them.

"What do you want?"

"I woke up to use the bathroom, and I saw you weren't in bed. Your light was on, and I heard you groaning, so I figured I'd check on you," he responded.

"Sweet of you," they slurred.

Before he could leave, they yanked him by the wrist onto their bed. Andrew pulled them into his chest, and they cuddled into his side. The image of the two of them naked on their bed, snuggling after just having sex, was one that frightened them. What was Luke going to think about them being together? They already knew he was going to kill them both, but they wanted to enjoy their time together before he learned the truth. And if Andrew was still in love with Luke, then he certainly wouldn't want to tell him either.

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