when the party's over ~fransykes~

Chapter 16

~trigger warning: gay slurs and abuse so if you are sensitive to that kind of thing stop reading when you get to the ***** and then start reading again after you see those symbols again. Stay safe.

Josh's POV:

My lungs felt like they were on fire, scratch that, my entire body did.

Being the lazy fucker I was, running this fast was defiantly taking a tole on my body. My face was red, my hands blotchy and my breaths were coming out fast and deep. Fucking hell I should probably work out more.

But at this exact second working out was at the back of my mind. All I could think about was the fact that I had just talked to Oli and even if our conversation was short, it had caused my heart to break even more. How could he have the nerve to tell me he loves me when he was the one that broke it off with me?

He's such a fucking liar.

Yet I still loved him.

But he didn't love me back, even if he said he did, it wasn't true. He was lying. He had to be.

But what if he wasn't?

Shut the fuck up Josh, of course he was. That's just the kind of boy that he was, and I knew that so why do I keep thinking he was different? From the start all I've done is made excuses for him and told myself he wasn't like everyone though he was, that it would be different with me.

But it wasn't.

He played me like he played everyone else he's ever gotten with.

I need to stop thinking I'm so fucking special.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I realised I was already stood outside my house. I looked down the path at the red front door and sighed. My vision was cloudy from the tears streaming out of my eyes and down my face but I was still able to recognise the familiar well kept garden and the brown brick walls that made up my home.

Closing the gate gently behind me, I sped up the path and shakily took my keys out of my pocket, placing them into the door. My hands trembled as I pushed the door open and slipped inside, only to slide down to the floor once I was inside.

My walls had crumbled.

Everything I worked so hard to build up was crashing down around me once again as I fell apart on the floor of then hallway. My head banged violently against the wooden floorboards as I waited for the darkness to pull me under. My breaths were now quick and shallow making it hard to stay conscious from the lack of oxygen.

"Joshua! What in God's name are you doing on the floor." My fathers voice bellowed through the silent corridor. I looked up slightly to see his usual black shiny shoes right in front of my vision.

Instantly I knew I was in for a scolding. I should have know better then to let my emotions out before I got to my bedroom. Fuck.

********************* (stop reading here if you are sensitive)****************

When I stayed silent, he continued staring down at me with a disgusted look plastered on his face. His eyes held nothing but pure disappointment, further evident by the frown that dragged down the corners of his mouth.

"Get up off the floor!" He demanded, grabbing my arms harshly and yanking me up until I was stood. "Pull yourself together and act like a real man for once."

Suddenly, I was more than just upset. I could feel the anger burning inside of me. How dare my father tell me to "man up" when he could see I was upset. Normal parents would ask their child what was wrong, not tell them to stop crying before they even knew what was the matter. This is why my parents could never understand me, they don't understand I have feelings beyond being the poster perfect son they think I am.