Waiting For Superman

Twenty-six

“He misses you” Camilla said, talking into my hear over the loud music and then taking my hand, she pulled me from the kitchen table chair out into the garden.

“How do you know?”

“I may be sixteen and not as old as you guys, but I hear them all talk when they come round to see Stefan” she assured me.

“I spent so much time trying to get over him though Cam” I felt the weight in my heart grow stronger, the pain in my stomach get bigger and the lump in my throat get deeper and the tears in my eyes become fuller.

She started removing the tears from my eyes slowly with her hands trying not to cause a scene. Although everyone was inside, they would still be able to see us.

“But you shouldn’t of had to ever try to” she promised. “Anyone could see that what you both feel is true, what you both feel is real, but that also goes to show that it won’t always be perfect”

I shrugged my shoulders and felt my vulnerable side come running to the surface, the way that it did when Dylan cut off all contact to me.

“Camilla, even when it wasn’t perfect between us because we were arguing, we were still perfect”

She took both of my hands as a form of comfort; it made me feel strong inside, strong about Dylan, strong about my friends but not strong about myself.

“You are beautiful, you are brave, and you are brilliant. Dylan does need you, he needs you the exact same why that you need him. Why waste your time wanting what you can have because of stubbornness?”

Removing more tears with my hand I began explaining our situation, how we felt, everything.

“He used to make me feel fearless, most alive and most beautiful”

Camilla looked over to the back door to see someone standing there, my eyes followed hers and we knew for sure that Dylan was not standing there long enough to see what we were talking about.

“I’m going to go inside and be with my brother on his birthday” she explained before slowly letting go of my hand.

 Dylan smiled at her slightly as she walked towards him and past him, shutting the door behind her.

Dylan took a few steps towards me.

“Neavie-”

I shook my head as soon as he said my name and he stopped walking.

“No stop Dylan” I took a step away from him and tried covering my ears.

“No, why?” he questioned walking closer to me.

“Because you are different with me and I absolutely hate it”

He took a second to think before answering me.

“Neavie-Anna?” his voice was vulnerable, for once his eyes held thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t define in that moment

I just let one single tear fall from eyes, followed by the rest.

“You do this Dylan. You pull me in so much, and then you push me away when you feel you aren’t good for me”

 “Because I’m not good for you” he ran his hands through his gorgeous soft hair.

“But what if you are?” I cried, removing the tears from my cheeks and eyes with my hands.

He moved close enough to me and took hold of my hand, but was holding onto very loosely.

“But I am selfish, I do things that hurt you, I push you away from me. I would rather be alone then get so close to you just to lose you again. For you to follow your dreams and to forget me. I’m not apologising for anything, I won’t even apologise for hurting you, because it hurt me too” He explained.