Waiting For Superman

Nineteen

He sighed and looked away from me.

“Oliver” I moaned.

His eyes remained on the ground.

“Oliver” I repeated. “Look, this is why I didn’t say anything about it to you because you don’t listen; you just get grumpy with me”

“Grumpy?” he questioned.

“Yes, grumpy and I don’t know how to handle you”

“Well, I would like to welcome you to my world because I don’t know how to handle you either Neavah”

I nodded my head and looked away from him.

He stood up after a few minutes of silence and looked back down at me as I looked up at him.

“I have a busy evening with performing tonight, but I honestly don’t want to see you there, so could you just listen to the performance on the radio?”

I nodded my head, I hated the thought of not being able to see him perform, I have been at every one since I have met him and now it feels as if he wants to keep it away from me as some sort of punishment.

“I’ll see you this weekend” he assured me.

The weekend honestly seemed too far away to be away from Oliver.

“Oliver, are we still friends?” I questioned, as I said the word ‘friends’ I felt the lump in my throat form and the tears well up in my eyes.

“I don’t think we can ever be friends, to be honest on my side, I never thought we were” he choked.

I nodded my head as I felt the lump in my throat get bigger and bigger.

“Okay” I whispered.

He walked away from the school and I left it a few minutes before walking in the opposite direction to get home.

Everything had been ruined, what went from being everything any girl could ever imagine was ruined. I admit I pushed him away and I admit that he deserved better for me but all I knew was that Oliver made me happy.

I looked across the kitchen table at the draft of ‘Waiting for Forever’ and how it hadn’t been updated since I arrived at Spain.

All I wanted to do was throw it in the bin, but I knew that doing that would not get me anywhere and he wouldn’t care.

“Here we have Oliver, our regular performing ‘Kicking my heels’, take the stage dude” the presenter at the bar announced, his announcement was followed by plenty of screaming fans and clapping.

I turned up the volume on my radio as I began writing another chapter to add to the draft.

The drums started playing and I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

As soon as he started singing I could hear in his voice that he wasn’t happy at all. That something was broken inside of him, that he was holding back all the talent he would usually put into a song with no problem at all.

“Why’d you keep me around? When you can have anyone in this town?”

I noticed that he dedicated that part to having Dylan, but still having Oliver around when I could have anyone.

“Am I the best that you’d hoped for or just the best that you found?”

Now I am almost 99% sure that, that lyric was dedicated to me, just settling for him. So far I am not enjoying this cover that he decided to pick. If this song did describe how he feels about our current situation it is completely wrong, isn’t it? I mean, I never meant to lead him on? I’m not putting up with him because I have to, I am putting up with him because I want him in my life and it is what I want.

“And there’s no way to explain it, but either way you know I’ll take it”

I felt the tears form in my eyes as I tried gathering my thoughts to write this chapter of my life.

“Through the haze of the whisky lights, and the haze of the angels dressed in cocaine white, I’m not trying to make you change, but love, I know what I like”

It takes me back to the flight where he saw me and he knew he wanted me, I mean he said it himself. He knew he wanted me and he promised me that he would give back everything I have ever given to anyone else.

“First you play along, even though it’s wrong, but then it starts feeling right”

I uncontrollably began humming along as I held onto my chest with my left hand and continued writing with my right hand.

“And now, more I drink, the less I feel sorrow, the more I make, the less that I borrow, more I love ya, the less I feel alone, stoned, kicking my heels alone, stoned, kicking my heels alone”

Tears fell with no effort to wipe them away and I tried my hardest to breathe through crying.

“Every person and place that I’ve been, I keep seeing the same things all over again, see even God needs the devil and I’m one hell of a friend, if it makes you feel much better, at least we’re going down together”

I know that this song was his way of fighting with me, of upsetting me but even when he tried upsetting it won me over, every single time he performed. He would forget the world, forget everything that was right or wrong and just focus on how we feel for each other. How Neavah and Oliver feel about each other.

 “More I drink, the less I feel sorrow, more I make, the less that I borrow, more I love ya, the less that I feel alone, stoned, kicking my heels alone, stoned, kicking my heels alone”

I couldn’t handle this at all; I dropped the pen onto the table and took a sip of red wine from my glass. That just reminded me more of Oliver though, Oliver was the one who told me to give the red wine a go.

“Don’t wanna worry the rest of my life, just wanna stay here and have a good time, don’t wanna worry the rest of my life, just wanna stay here and have a good time”

I lifted my legs from the floor onto my chair and tucked my head into my knees, with my arms wrapped around the legs.

“More I drink, the less I feel sorrow, the more I make, the less that I borrow, more I love ya, the less that I feel alone, stoned, kicking my heels, alone, stoned, kicking my heels, the more I drink, yeah the less I feel sorrow, the more I make, the less that I borrow, more I love ya, the less that I feel alone, stoned, kicking my heels, alone, stoned, kicking my heels, alone, stoned, kicking my heels, alone, stoned, kicking my heels alone”

I stood up to walk towards the radio, ready to turn it off and just spend the evening doing nothing but working on this chapter for Oliver.

“Don’t wanna worry the rest of my life, just wanna stay here and have a good time, come on now”

The applause from the crowd seemed so unreal and I hated how much I wanted to be there.

His song helped though, I figured out the next chapter of my book.

‘Kicking My Heels’