ONISM (rewriting)

chap 28

Salam<3
A little surprise for you guys. As its last few hours of 2018🥲

• RIYA •

Even though initially I was sad but as the days went by, I realised many, many things happening around me. I couldn't pinpoint them but I could feel certain changes within me. I was brooding, my views and thoughts had broadened since the day I landed here. It wasn't like I was a narrow minded girl but I wasn't experienced enough to see two sides of the coin.

The cliché feelings i was feeling or the the roller coaster my heart was riding the night I yessed the idea of marrying Yawar because my father thought this was somehow related to my protection, was now simply normal to me. But then again nothing could stand before my father's happiness. Hell, I could bring everyone down if it promised my father's smile.

I could do anything for him.

Moreover I was happy myself. The idea of marrying Yawar was twisting my stomach ever since. I knew I liked him but the tingles I felt everytime I thought about him, made me realise I held something more than just likeness.

The thought of being his only was driving me insane. I wasn't that girl who went drooling over every other guy. It was my heart's first step ever towards a guy, a guy who I was tieing knot with the coming Friday and of all the things I was sure of, one was that I was truly happy.

***

I wore the expensive dress my father had ordered the tailor to stitch for me. We had bought it stitched but still we needed the help of tailor for it was loose on me. I was skinny, not weak but I couldn't be counted among healthy or sturdy people either.

When I came out of the washroom, Kanwal stood awed. "You look so pretty Maa Sha Allah!"

She lurged forward and took me in a hug whereas I stood blushing. There was a weird, jittery feeling which couldn't be named. It wasn't sadness or happiness either. It wasn't the worry of leaving behind my father or the fear of being close to a man.

I blinked at my own realisation as I was hugging Kanwal back.

I wasn't afraid of Yawar. Even after all what men have done to me. My father, Yawar and Zain had always proved that not all men were same. Some can be your protectors when others stand at your doorstep to shred your flesh.

Those nightmares.

Hambal brought it all back. He was a monster.

I shuddered all of a sudden as a cold shiver went down my spine.

"What happened?" Kanwal asked as she pulled back, worried.

"Nothing." I gave her a smile with watery eyes. "Yawar has always craved for a family and I don't know if I could be one." I couldn't control my tears anymore. "I am afraid that what will happen if I fail him."

Kanwal tsked and held my hands. "I know you are getting jitters but hold yourself. Yawar is a sensible man. He will never pressure you for such things." She let go of my hand and squeezed my shoulders.
"Wipe your tears away. I have to do your make-up for your big day."

***

I stood in front of mirror after wearing my heels and looked at myself. My subtle make up sat perfectly on me as the golden dress adorned my body.