Pure Pain, Excruciating Love

Chapter 19

Four pairs of eyes were staring at me. They seemed confused, nervous, scared, affectionate. The emotions whirling around their orbs were making this whole situation harder for me, more challenging. I didn't expect to feel this way when my friends knocked on my door and walked in. I didn't imagine it to be this suffocating. Anna, Aaron, Kayla, and Chace were sitting in front of me and Ashton on the latter's bed. I asked Carol to stay as well, so she grabbed Ashton's desk chair and settled close to us. Liam and AJ were going to leave, but I thought it would be fair to explain things to them as they were the ones who found me with Ashton. So I also asked them to stay, and now they're leaning against Ashton's desk, waiting just like the rest for me to start speaking. Truth is, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how.

"Samantha, it's okay, we can come back tomorrow. You need some rest," Kayla spoke softly. 

I noticed how her eyes were glossy, her nose pink. She's been crying. And it made me feel awful.

"No," I shook my head. "I have to do this. I need you guys to understand."

Everyone shook their heads, giving me the time I needed to collect my thoughts. Ashton laced his fingers with mine and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"We've been friends since we were little," I started. "You guys were like siblings to me and I didn't want to loose any of you."

They all nodded, well except for Anna as I was talking about the past, before her and Ashton showed up.

"My mom had a drinking problem, and she still does," I confessed.

I watched as everyone's faces paled and they seemed more on edge. Carol, being a mother, sat straighter and composed herself into a strict and strong composure. Liam and AJ straightened from their leaning form and stepped closer, each beside Carol now.

"My dad met her at his rehabilitation center. They met there, he tried to help her, and in some way he fell in love with her. Some time later, she had me and my dad took it upon him as a father to put a roof over my mother's head."

I sighed, taking in a deep breath and moving in my place to change my sitting position as my head pounded. Wincing a little, everyone was about to get up to help me when Ashton shook his head and helped me himself.

"She didn't get better. She used alcohol on a daily basis. She didn't want a family. I knew that and a part of me was okay with it. I heard them fight every single day. I heard her lash out at my dad, and him lash out at her. It was normal. My dad made sure I was loved and he gave me everything I needed. He was amazing." 

My throat tightened and my vision blurred.

Kayla sniffed and Anna wiped a tear, while Carol smiled sadly. The thing is, they thought my dad left, that's why they were offering me such sad faces.

"I was around fourteen and it was christmas. My parents were fighting and my dad walked out of the house, but not before promising me he would be back with a movie and some ice cream," I smiled at that memory. 

I remembered it clearly, because in that time, despite his sadness and desperation, he held himself together for me. And I've never been more grateful.

"But he never came back," I said weakly.

Everyone was quite. Anna's eyes were wide, Aaron looked down at his hands, Chace consoled Kayla who was wiping her tears, Carol wiped a lone tear off her cheek as she shook her head, and Liam and AJ were looking at me with serious but sad glares.

"You guys know what happened don't you?" I asked them, knowing their answers would be wrong.

Kayla nodded and Aaron followed.