Pure Pain, Excruciating Love

Chapter 30

I never imagined at 17 years old being in this position. After my dad died, all I could imagine was a dark and empty future. I'd be under George's command, not have a chance to go to university, live in my own bubble in my room, no friends, I saw a helpless future. But then Ashton came, and my imagination seemed to have a bit of colour. Then, I imagined a future where I could have protection, safety, a future where I had friends and people who care about me, a future where university was my escape, a future where love was my savour. As nice as that imagination was, it was disrupted again by the night I fell victim to Kevin. After that night all I could imagine was a future where that night would haunt me. I imagined a future where I'd live to forever think about the baby I once carried and gave up. Now, in Ashton's arms, I'm imagining a future which I pray to God would not change. Right now, I imagine a future where there's Ashton, a little boy, and myself. I imagine a future where my son would be our symbol of survival, our symbol of hope. I see a future where Ashton and I are committed to one another with the love that's bonding us coming from one innocent little child...and maybe a few more. My future doesn't seem black, or grey, or dark. My future now seems bright and alight. With that, I sigh in contentment and smile.

We lay in bed, one of my hands under my pillow and the other laced with Ashton's. Our eyes are locked together. A soft smile etched on both our faces. We are inches apart, our breaths mingling together.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, breaking the silence.

Ashton's thumb runs across my knuckles as he responds, "Mmhmm, anything."

Slightly blushing now, I move my head against my pillow and ask, "Were you planning on telling me you love me today?"

Ashton chuckles and his cheeks gain a touch of pink, making me smile in amusement.

"I was actually trying to find the right time to say it. It has been driving me crazy for the past weeks and today it just popped out. It felt like the right time I guess."

I can't believe it! He has been holding it back as well? I really can't get my head wrapped around all this. This all feels so good. I can't believe this. So with all the adrenalin and giddiness pulsing through me, I leaned forward and placed my lips onto his. Gosh it felt amazing! And I guess Ashton felt the same way as I could feel his lips tug into a smile and I saw it plastered there once we pulled away for breath.

"I love you," I whispered breathily, making Ashton grin in the process and kiss me once again.

"I love you too."

It felt so good to hear it. It pierces my heart, but it was a beautiful piercing feeling.

Then, just as bliss had rushed through me, doubt took over. So, looking down to our laced fingers, I mumbled, "Are you really serious about this? You won't back out?"

Ashton placed his thumb and finger under my chin to get me to look at him. He had a soft expression on his face, his eyes so tender.

"I'm in this all the way. I mean it. I really do Sam."

And just as I thought we were going to lapse back into silence, Ashton sprang off the bed and headed to his drawers.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sitting up to get a better look at what he was looking for.

After rummaging in one of his draws, he pulled out a paper and made his way back to me. Sitting next to me, he handed me what he had retrieved. It was the ultrasound photo. I looked at him with disbelief.

"I kept it. After the appointment I told you I'd place them somewhere in the room. I kept this one. I don't know why. After hearing that heartbeat something changed. Being by your side made me imagine this in different circumstances, and I liked that."