Love Is Not The Enemy

OVER MY HEAD

Cari's PoV

I watch my hands shake as I slowly move the right one up the neck of my guitar. My breath is quickening further and further for each passing second and my heart is slowly moving from my chest and up into my throat. It's already starting to get darker and as watching the sunset was one of the things Ryan had listed up as something all cliché movie-couples did, this had to happen soon. I have pushed it to the back of my mind and the bottom of my to-do-list the entire evening since Shannon got here, not really that big of a fan of the nerves it brought me. But now, with the moon soon taking the sun's place in the sky, I don't have much time left.

I exhale shakily as my left hand move into its right position over the stings of the guitar, gently strumming them all once to make sure I have the right chord. The sound coming from the familiar instrument almost sounds unfamiliar as it reaches my ears, even though it's been on my mind for two sleepless nights in a row. I strum it again, dragging my fingertips down the six strings as I close my eyes, looking for the beginning to a song I've yet to find the hiding place in my heart to; still just as gone as the first night I tried to memorize the once so familiar words. I open my mouth to start singing once I managed to find the opening lyric of the song I've wanted to sing to her since the first time she found the small blue notebook, but close it again as all I manage to get out was a small, shaky exhale. I open my eyes and look up for a second, catching the sight of my girlfriend's small, but so genuine smile, giving me the push I need to get up the courage to actually sing for her, for the first time in my life.

I tilt my head back down as I open my mouth, slowly dragging my tongue across my bottom lip nervously, before finally willing my voice to produce the words I want to express my emotions through. "It's over my head, I hate myself for caring this much..." I start shakily, cringing lightly at the sound of my voice mismatching the tone of the guitar.

I give myself a few more seconds than the song is made to have between each line, as the need of oxygen is all my mind manages to keep is focus on, pushing the lyrics I already know I won't remember, even further back into the mess that currently is my mind. "I've become an addict, l-looking for a hint of your l-love..." I continue as my eyes fall shut and my jaw starts trembling slightly, once again out of tune and with a small stutter in my voice.

I furrow my eyebrows in concentration as the lyrics I had already found slowly gets blurred out in my mind, as if someone dropped water onto ink, only leaving messy smears across a ruined piece of paper. "I-I'm a l-long way f-fr-fro...fuck..." I bite the inside of my cheek as I shake my head in frustration of letting my own lyrics get smeared out in my mind and bow my head further down to try and hide the fact that I'm only a few seconds away from letting the first tear slip from my tightly shut eyes.

Just as the first tear manages to push through my closed lids, my guitar gets taken out of my lap, followed by my girlfriend's soft voice. "Hey." She whispered softly as she carefully places a hand under my trembling chin, pushing at it slightly. "Look at me please?" She whispers softly and tries tapping my chin lightly.

I only shake my head faintly in reply, embarrassed by messing up the one time it actually mattered getting it right, feeling a lone tear slowly roll down my cheek as I swallow as subtly as possible to hopefully keep the forming lump in my throat from growing any bigger than it already has.

"Listen then?" Shannon's gently voice turns even softly as she moves her hand up to my cheek, slowly caressing my cheekbone with the pad of her thumb, while lifting her other hand up to catch my tear from reaching any further down my seemingly burning skin.

To this I allow a slight headshake in the positive to answer her request as I press my lips together tightly to try and keep them from trembling any more than they already have, while at the same time breathing deeply through my nose to keep my nerves and slight anxiety at the level it's currently on, not really in the mood to let the already unhealthy amount increase any further.