Love Is Not The Enemy

YOU WON'T BE ALONE

Shannon's PoV

I can't really say math was something I had missed over the Christmas break. Sure, math is probably my favorite subject, or at least the one I have best grades in. I've always understood math better than any other subject, there's only one right answer and either you get it or you don't. The only thing you have to do to do good in math is understand the rules. Like in algebra. The only thing you have to remember is a few set of rules that you have to stick by to come to the right answer. And if you do follow them correctly, you'll get the correct answer every single time.

Life, on the contrary, is so much harder. You can't just follow a simple set of rules to get through. Even if you follow what everyone tells you to do, you're going to make mistakes. Even if you understand the rules everyone feeds you with, you're going to hurt people, yourself included. Even if you know how things is supposed to be and how it's supposed to look like, it won't be like that, it won't look like that. Society tells you exactly what you're going to be, who you're going to like, what you're going to look like, even how you should act, but you won't be like that, it won't ever fit you.

The small box society tells you to stay inside of, is, as you get older, going to get way too claustrophobic. Suddenly your feet won't fit anymore and the shoes everyone expects you to wear won't be it for you anymore. Then you stick your arms out to get more room, you cut your nails off, paint them black and watches as the long pink nails you cut off, gets sucked back into the decreasing box. Soon enough all that's left in the little box society wants you to fit into is your head. You won't be able to wear those purple dresses anymore, the high heels will never fit your feet anymore and a pair or vans and a gray t-shirt takes their places.

Then you realize the box aren't even big enough for your head anymore, your mind. You can't pretend to like what society tells you to anymore. Suddenly women catches your interest and you can't pretend you don't know what that is anymore. You can't pretend the girl who's constantly on your mind doesn't take your breath away anymore. You can't pretend she isn't the closest thing to an angel you've ever seen anymore. It's not possible. Not anymore.  

In those few years I've got to experience so far, I know that box won't ever fit me. The box is way too small. I know I won't be able to just follow a certain set of rules society has made up for me, to get through life. I won't ever be able to look like everyone expects me to. I don't feel like myself in super skinny jeans and a lace crop-top. I don't feel comfortable going around with a ton of makeup and high heels. Vans, a baggy t-shirt, black skinny jeans and no makeup, that's me. It's not how I'm expected to look like, but it's me.

I won't ever be able to like who society, the norm, tells me to like. I won't go outside one day and just drool over the boy one the other side of the road, like I'm supposed to. I won't ever run after the football players in school like a lost puppy, almost dying if any of then makes eye contact with me for a fraction of a second. I won't be able to discuss who of the male characters form the movie I just watched with my friends I fancy more. But a woman can for sure take my breath away. A girl can make my heart stop by the lightest of touches. I will be able to tell which female character was the hottest one. I won't ever love the boy I'm supposed to love, but I do, for sure, love my girlfriend.

"Shannon?" a soft voice says from the other side of my bedroom door, followed my three soft knocks.

I turn towards the door and drop my pen from between my fingers as she peeks her head inside with a small smile on her face, "Yeah."

"What are you doing?" she asks and walks into my bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"Just my math homework" I sigh, realizing I haven't even solved one problem yet.