Love Is Not The Enemy

NEVER CHANGE, CARI

Cari's PoV

"Ow... Shan, why did y– " I start, but stop when I see Shannon's mom in the doorway, staring at us with wide eyes and her jaw almost hitting the floor.

I look up at Debbie, trying to read her face, but it is impossible. Her face is expressionless and her eyes seems at a lack of emotions as well. I have been so close with Shannon's mom since I was little and she just saw me making out with her daughter on her bed. Deb is almost like a second mother to me.

I look down at the floor and pull my knees up to my chest. suddenly the room seems huge and I feel so small under Deb's gaze. I close my eyes tightly, terrified of Shannon's mom's reaction to what she had just walked in on. The thought that I just got pushed out of the closet against my own will, makes me feel even smaller. I'm no way near ready to come out yet and this is definitely not the way I wanted to come out either. I don't want to come out by being caught making out with my... whatever we are. I don't even know how to label our relationship. This situation is fucked up.

We haven't talked about what we are other than the day we both confessed our feelings for each other, which is just some days ago. This is all so new to us both, neither of us are ready to be confronted about any of it yet, not by our parents, not by our friends, not by anyone. I'm not ready for the harshness of the real world yet; I need more time alone in the comfort of mine and Shannon's own small bubble. I need more time to get comfortable enough with Shannon and our more-than-friendship sort of relationship, to be able to be proud by her side without caring about other people's opinions. I'm not there yet.

Every form of emotion swimming around in my veins mixes up together, making my heart ache, my head throb in pain and my breathing is getting heavier. The emotions reach my eyes, building up as tears, filling my eyes, threatening to make themselves known. I struggle to keep them at bay as I look up at Shannon, who is looking at her mother with fear written on her face. Shannon turns to face me and I can already see tears forming in her eyes, too.

I bite the inside of my lips to stop the upbuilding sobs from reaching any longer than my throat. A huge lump starts growing in my throat, as well as a heavy stone in my stomach, making me feel heavier than ever before. All the emotions bottled up inside of me is making me feel heavy.

I'm not ready to lose Shannon, not now, not ever. I just can't lose her. I just got her back, she can't be taken away from me already. I went two weeks without her, the two worst weeks of my life, which I never want to experience again. I have never cried more than in those two weeks, ever. I have never slept less and I have never missed someone as much as I missed her. I have also never loved anyone, the way I love Shannon.

My heart beats for her. My lungs breath for her. My legs walk for her. She makes me motivated to wake up every morning. She is the one who puts a smile on my face. She is the one who makes my stomach fill with butterflies. She makes me feel at home. She keeps me sane. She keeps me alive. I can't lose her.

I couldn't keep the tears away anymore. Heavy emotions attached to the thin streams of saltwater going down my cheeks. The fear making itself shown by slipping out of my eyes, down my cheeks, to my chin and down on my knees. I didn't even bother to reach my hand up and wipe them away, new ones would just keep coming anyway.

The room stays silent, making the tension in the air rise quicker than in any climax in any novel ever written. I can feel Debbie's eyes on me, pushing me further and further down and making me feel smaller and smaller. I haven't moved an inch since I was thrown at the floor and was met by Shannon's mom's eyes in Shannon's doorway. Neither has Shannon and the only thing moving in the room is Debbie's eyes, shifting between Shannon and I.