Love Is Not The Enemy

IF YOU SAY SO

Shannon's PoV

I walk into school, hand in hand with my boyfriend, for the first time. I mean, yeah, I have walked hand in hand with Danny before, but it's different now, he's my boyfriend. I still find it a little weird calling him my boyfriend, even though he has been for almost four days. Right now, it just doesn't feel right, but I guess I'm just nervous or adjusting to it, I mean he's my first boyfriend after all.

It has never felt right to hold his hand, not now and not before he asked me out, but it's like I'm even more uncomfortable now. Like I'm even less attracted to him now, than before. But I'll just have to get used to it, this is how it's supposed to be, eventually everything will be okay. What I need right now is time, a little more time and then I'll be fine with everything. I sure I will... or... I hope I will.

"Are you okay, babe?" Danny asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Just nervous, I think" I tell him, cringing at the new nickname he has given me.

"I'm right beside you, there is nothing to worry about" he smiles and kisses my cheek, making me even more uncomfortable.

Something inside me, keep telling me, over and over, that this isn't right. Every time we hold hands, every time he kisses my cheek or compliments me, something tells me it's wrong and makes me uncomfortable. Every time I tell myself he's my boyfriend or he reminds me I'm his girlfriend, I just want to run away from him and never see him again. But I keep reminding myself that it's normal, it's just all new to me, because it is normal to feel like this, right?

"Ready for English?" Danny asks softly, smiling at me.

"Yeah" I answer, trying to sound sure, but I know Cari is in this class and after Friday, I really can't do anything but think of what could have happened if Amy wasn't there.

Cari is constantly on my mind. I want her back, not just as my best friend, not anymore, I want her the way I should want Danny. But I know it's wrong, I have to keep trying to want Danny the way I want Cari. I have to get her out of my mind, I have to stop thinking of what we could have been, if it wasn't for us both being girls. If just one of us had been a boy, everything would have been perfect, she could have been my girlfriend, I could have kissed her and held her hand, like I want to. But, we're both girls, so that won't ever happen. I have Danny now and I am keeping it that way, I have to.

"Let's go, babe" Danny says and drags me after him, towards our classroom.

Each step I take closer to the classroom, knowing Cari probably is there already is making each step harder and harder to take. I really want to see her, I always do, but at the same time I really don't want to see her at all. I am going to be in the same room as my boyfriend, who I'm desperately trying to like and my best friend, who I try not to like. I am going to be in the same room as the girl I like more than anything and the guy I should be feeling that way for. The guy I should be in love with and the girl I am in love with...yep...in love. There is no other way to express my feelings for Cari other that love. That seems to be the only right way to describe what I feel around her or when I just think about her... love. In my mind, Cari is the definition of love, in a dictionary, her name would be a synonym to love, but it shouldn't be like that. That is how I'm supposed to feel about Danny, my boyfriend.

"Sure you're fine?" Danny asks as we reach the classroom.

"I'm fine" I tell him, but anyone could clearly hear in my voice that I'm not.

He sighs deeply, "If you say so."

I let go of his hand as I step inside the classroom, making eye contact with a pair of brown eyes I have fell in love with. My heart picks up its pace just by finding her eyes in the middle of the room. My heart drops when I see her roll her eyes and turn away from me. I look down at the floor, slowly making my way to my own desk. I sit down in my seat and quickly fold my hands in my lap, keeping my eyes at my desk.