Love Is Not The Enemy

I THINK YOU DO

Cari's PoV

"I am fucking tired of this, Amy" I shout, pacing back and forth in my room.

Amy is sitting on my bed watching me. She hasn't said a word since we got back from the movie theatre, she is just sitting there, deep in thoughts while listening to me. This has been going on for at least an hour now and I can't calm down, my brain is working to hard.

Why can't I just get Shannon out of my mind? It's like she's all I can focus on, she's all I think about, yet she's the only thing I want to get rid of. I don't want these thoughts or feelings, I want them to go away. I don't want to be mad at her or cry over her and I definitely don't want to be the cause of her tears.

All I want is my best friend back. That's it.

If I could just lose all these thoughts and feelings, everything would have been fine. But I just had to get feelings for my best friend.

Why me?

Can someone please tell me what I did to deserve this?

"Amy, why?" I ask desperately, tears finding their way to my eyes.

I force my eyes shut as hard as I can, not letting myself waste another tear on Shannon. Crying won't make it any better. I take a deep breath and feel all the sadness inside of me turn into anger.

"WHY?" I shout, stopping right in front of Amy, staring at her.

Amy stares right back at me, letting out a sigh, "Why what?" she asks calmly.

"Why can't I just get over her?" I ask and start pacing back and forth again, "What did I do to deserve all of this?"

I put my hands into my hair, pulling at it in frustration, "Why can't I stay mad at her?" I ask and the anger I once had, turns into sadness again as tears fall from my eyes, "One second I am pissed at her, then I look into her eyes and I forget everything."

Tears runs down my face, "See what happens" I cry, gesturing to my tears, "five seconds ago I was mad and now tears are straining my cheeks."

"That's how love works, I guess" Amy mutters, following me with her eyes as I keep walking around my room.

"I'm not in love" I shake my head, letting a sob escape my lips.

"Keep telling yourself that" Amy sighs.

"I'm not, Amy" I whisper, walking over to the wall opposite from my door.

"You need to stop with all of this if you want to get over her" Amy tells me, looking away from me for the first time since we got to my house.

I slide down the wall and sit down against it, pull my knees up to my chest, "It's not that easy" I cry and bury my head in my knees.

"You said you weren't in love with her" Amy starts, "then it shouldn't be that hard."

"Y-you don't understand" I sigh through my sobs.

"Help me understand then" she says, clearly getting frustrated, "why do you keep breaking down like this?" she asks in a softer tone.

I take a deep breath, "I don't know" I whisper, barely audible.

Amy sighs and walks up to me and sits down beside me, "I think you do" she tells me softly.

I just shake my head, crying into my knees, "I don't know w-why I keep wasting my tears on h-her" I whisper shakily.

"I think you know, Cari" Amy says, wrapping an arm around me, "I think you know exactly why" she whispers and lay her head down on my shoulders.