Love Is Not The Enemy

I'M TERRIFIED

-Warning... you're probably not mentally prepared for this chapter... read at your own risk...I warned you!-

Cari PoV

"Talk to me, Shannon, you're my girlfriend-" Danny says, quickly making my eyes fill with tears and something twist in my stomach.

I turn my entire body towards Danny and Shannon, "What?" I whisper in a broken and almost inaudible voice, a tear rolling slowly down my cheek.

Shannon looks down at her desk, away from my eyes, avoiding my gaze.

I turn back quickly, "I can't do this, I can't fucking do this", then turn back to look at Shannon and her boyfriend again.

I close my eyes and turn back to the front again, "I can't do this" I say loudly.

I stand up from my chair and without saying anything more, I take off running towards the door. Tears streaming down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I can hear my teacher call after me, but I keep up my pace. I run to the nearest bathroom, open the door and walk to the wall furthest away from it. I slowly slide down the cold wall, sit down on the floor and pull my knees into my chest. I quickly bury my face in my knees and wrap my arms around my body tightly, making myself as small as possible. My entire body is shaking, sobs and hiccups filling the room around me.

Shannon has a boyfriend now. The realization hit me hard when I heard Danny speak the word I feared the most from his mouth, girlfriend, Shannon is his. Shannon will never be mine, I will never be able to call her mine. I will never be able to take her on any dates. I will never be able to kiss her or hold her hand. I'll never be able to tell her how I really feel, whatever that is.

What exactly do I feel for her?

Anyway, Shannon has made up her mind. Shannon has a boyfriend, she has Danny. She'll probably end up falling in love with him, holding his hand, kissing him and going on dates with him. While I'm alone falling freely, with no one to catch me, because the only one who can, is catching someone else. Shannon picked catching Danny, leaving me alone, falling deeper and deeper, without even realizing it myself. I am falling for Shannon. I am falling for her. My mom is right, Amy is right.

I know what I feel for her.

I am in love with Shannon, falling deeper and deeper in love with her every day, while she's off falling in love with another. I'm in love with my best friend, who doesn't love me back. She won't ever catch me and I'll end up falling and falling, until I reach the bottom, crashing harder than ever, probably killing me in the process.

I wish I could have exactly what Stevie has with Ally. They have absolutely no problem with both of them being girls, both of them, out and proud. Stevie told me how she and Ally were like Shannon and I in the beginning too, but when Stevie realized she had feelings for Ally, she told her, unlike me. I wish I was as brave as Stevie. She first told Ally that she was gay and when she did, Ally told her she thought she was gay too. Then Stevie began telling her how she had found out, eventually she told Ally she had feelings for her and Ally had just kissed her in response. After she had told Stevie she felt the same way and they started dating not long after. Soon after they got together they came out to their families, then their close friends. One day they decided they didn't want to hide anymore. Next day they came to school, walking inside hand in hand. From that day, they were together, out in the open, not once caring about what anyone else thought. They loved each other and that's what matters. Stevie took her time, talking to me after class today. I also told her about Shannon and I, everything that had happened, while she told me about her and Ally. She gave me a little hope, but my hope got crushed once I heard Shannon and Danny's conversation earlier in class.