Love Is Not The Enemy

GIRLFRIEND, HUH

Shannon's PoV

"Are we there yet?" Cari whines for the third time since we left her house.

Bobby groans from the driver's seat, making me giggle, "No, Cari."

Cari pouts and tilts her head to the side, "How much longer?"

"I told you it was a long drive, it's almost an hour left" Bobby tells his sister.

Cari sighs and leans her head against the window, staring at the cars that passes by. I turn towards my girlfriend, smiling slightly to myself. I never thought, a year ago, that I would be in a relationship now, especially not with a girl. But I couldn't be happier. I have a girlfriend, the kindest, most beautiful and loving human being I have ever met, and on top of that, she's my best friend. I love that girl with everything in me.

I hate the fact that some people would see what we have as wrong and that to some people the love we share is disgusting or seen as a sin. I hate that my own fear of people's beliefs or reactions is getting in the way of a normal relationship between Cari and I. I can't even make myself tell my mom about the most important part of my life. Cari deserves to have someone who shows her how much they love her, every second of every day, but I can't do that. I can't because my own fear gets in the way.

All I want is to be able to just grab her hand, whenever I want to. I want to kiss her whenever I feel like it and tell her I love her, over and over, no matter where we are and who we are with. I want to make her feel loved and appreciated, never giving her any doubts about the way I feel about her. I don't want my fear to possibly break us up or worse make her doubt my love for her.

But, I'm not ready for it yet. I'm not ready for people's possible reactions. I'm not ready for the looks of disgust every time I hold my girlfriend's hand, kiss her or tell her I love her. I'm not ready to let other people's thoughts into our relationship. I'm not ready for someone coming up to me, telling me our relationship is wrong, disgusting or a sin. And I'm definitely not ready for people telling me I don't actually love my girlfriend or tell me Cari doesn't love me. I'm not ready for all that comes with coming out yet. I'm just not ready.

"Hey" a soft voice and a hand carefully placed on my cheek, snaps me out of my thought.

"Why are you crying?" she asks and lifts her other hand to my other cheek, wiping away tears I didn't even know was there.

I look up at her, but it only makes my heart hurt. All I want is to keep her happy. Why can't I do that? My bottom lip starts trembling and this time I feel the tears that leaves my eyes. I look away from her, trapping my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Babe, look at me" Cari whispers softly, keeping her hands on my cheeks, "please."

I keep my eyes away from her, biting harder down on my lips to stop the sobs in the back of my throat.

"Baby" Cari whispers and moves her hands away from my cheeks.

Cari takes off her seat belt and moves closer to me, pulling me into her tightly. I burry my head in her neck as a quiet sob reaches my lips. I wrap my arms around her body and ball her shirt up in my hands. I don't know what actually made me cry, probably a mix between the fear of losing or hurting Cari, the fear of the consequences of coming out and the feeling of not treating my girlfriend the way she deserves to be treated. It hurts knowing it's mostly my fault we have to hide. Cari is already out to her family and our friends, I'm the one who's holding us back and keeping us in the dark.

"Please, don't cry" Cari whispers into my ear, kissing the top of my head, "it's making me cry."

"Deep breaths" she says slowly, "follow me, okay?"