Walls Of Hearts

Chapter 45

Following from the picture in the header... this chapter is for you guys. It's for all of you. Life is something that puts us through so many difficulties. And each of us have had many struggles in life. But I just want you to remember, that without darkness, we don't understand the value of light. We don't know what's the difference between the two. Likewise, without the suffering and difficulties, we wouldn't know what ease and happiness would be. That's why, I raise it to you lot. To us all. You're strong. You deserve happiness. You are special, and don't let anybody convince you otherwise.

This chapter has a very brief mention some sensitive topics, but if you get triggered easily, try and skip the first part of this chapter.

This chapter is also something that took me time to write and I found it difficult, so it would be greatly appreciated if you could give me genuine feedback on this chapter!

Enjoy reading, vote and ESPECIALLY comment!

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Unknown: Jasmine, you know you can reply to me?

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A shower. That's what I need at this point. I just need to let all the thoughts flow out and then I can get a good night's sleep.

I wipe my eyes dry from the tears before getting up from the floor and walking over to my wardrobe to get out some clothes to change into.

However the intended shower turned into something else. The tears and the water mix together and flow down my face like a rainfall and blood mixes at my legs, turning the water red.

The worst type of pain you feel is when you cry in the shower and know that nobody can hear you and you can even trick yourself that they're not tears- it's the shower. But you can only fool yourself for a little while. At one point, you give up and feel that sudden weakness hit you. It's all too familiar to me. Showers at nights are usually my weakest moments ever because I usually do cry. The only time I take a shower at night is when I'm upset and I can't deal with the way things are going at that time.

And then, like always, and of course like expected, I get that well-known urge hit me in the midst of all my feelings and thoughts and there's nothing that can stop me at that point to reach forward and grab the razor. The shape and texture of it too familiar, I instantly know that I'll be okay. Atleast I hope I will be. The feeling needing to be vanished, the tears still streaming down my face, what I know is that I've found a cure for my pain.

And now, there's nobody who can stop me. Back home, I'd feel guilty, having Mum and Dad there and knowing how it affects them. Also, often Alex would stop me. He had my back all the time and he was the major factor in my road to recovery. But now, I'm responsible for myself. Nobody else. And truthfully speaking, I didn't know how to feel about that.

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I wake up the next morning after a restless night with a throbbing headache. All night, I was tossing and turning in bed, I had various nightmares where I just woke up in a pool of sweat and nobody to hold me to tell me it was alright. There was no Harry all night. I turned around to see that what usually happens in stories didn't happen- Harry didn't come to me in the middle of the night. He probably did just fine and slept perfectly. It makes me more upset but there's nothing in me left to express it. I feel numb to every emotional pain I was feeling last night.