Walls Of Hearts

Chapter 110

The day after was terrible. I woke with a headache, needing Harry to get me my medicines, so he also got me breakfast that I reluctantly ate in silence. Realising I wasn't about to speak any time soon, Harry stayed up with me despite it being unreasonably early for him to be up and just got out his laptop to get on with some work. After taking medicine, I turned back around and went to sleep. I stayed in bed the whole day, that day - not wanting, nor needing any attention from anyone.

Harry, however, made sure I got out of bed at least to eat lunch and we'd made our way to the kitchen, though I really wished I could have just stayed in the room.

"You okay after everything that happened last night, J?" Gemma had asked as she made herself a coffee. I could see Harry, from the corner of my eye, as he tried to stop Gemma from asking the inevitable, looming question.

"Yeah, I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry, though. It ruined the evening."

"Hey, hey!" Gemma frowned, coming towards me as the coffee machine sounded. "None of that. We pushed you - you're just on your own unique road to recovery and you'll have lots of ups, lots of downs and lots of in between that none of us can - or should - try to influence."

I didn't agree with her, obviously. But I stayed silent, nodding my head at her as I let out a small smile before trying to eat my breakfast.

I had an appointment that day with the psychiatrist. I'd been to a few by that point, but they'd all gone the same way, with me staying silent cuddled up on her warm chenille sofa. It was so nice, the sofa, honestly. And she'd try to get stuff out of me, small words even. But I only budged when I knew it wasn't anything to do with the accident or the baby or to talk about anything in my life that was actually meaningful.

"What are you looking to get out of these appointments, Mrs Styles?" Luciana had asked as it was nearing the end of our session.

"The satisfaction from everyone else that I'm going to therapy." I'd shrugged my shoulders, though it wasn't true and I knew it in the moment. I'd hoped that at one point through the appointments, I'd actually open up. I wanted this more than anyone

She must have been tired of me by that point, I was sure.

But that day, guilt had bathed me and I was drenched. I needed to talk to someone, and it might as well have been her.

To be honest, it was better her than anyone else or else I'd run the risk of being stupid once more.

"How are you feeling today, Mrs Styles?" Luciana spoke, greeting me as I walked in the room, after saying bye to Harry. He'd walked me up and I was actually glad to be out of his hair for once. I could breathe.

"Just like everyday." I'd said three more words than I did compared to the same time into the appointment the weeks prior. That itself was rewarding - mockingly.

"Oh, trust me, I know." She laughs softly. "It can get so repetitive, right?"

"Yeah, very. Like you're stuck on a wheel."

"Wake up, eat, sleep, repeat."

I noticed the smile that she tried her hardest to hide. It was faint but it was there. After having days of people giving you different looks, ones of pity, ones of sympathy, ones of worry; naturally you picked up on them much easier.

"I studied psychology at university." I spoke up meekly, trying to find some ground with her. I wanted to talk, finally.

"Did you? You clearly have taste - Margaret Attwood, a love for literature, studied psychology." She'd smiled. "Why did you pick psychology as your degree?"