Walls Of Hearts

Chapter 22

After the video blew up, it was trending on Twitter and the boys' management had to act fast to remove the video. Once they done that, it was just down to covering it up and providing some kind of explanation for it.

Harry immediately tweeted out a statement the following day, a series of tweets more than just one single tweet and it was both his frustration that was let out but also a means of covering up for the video.

@Harry_Styles: When you watch a video without context, or read a bunch of 'quoted' words that such and such person said, without knowing the full story, it's insane how it can sound so bad. But is it really that wrong if I wanted to just stand up for my family? For the people I love and care about?

@Harry_Styles: I'm not a type of person to argue and get annoyed. And I also don't really react to things that go on. But sometimes you do have to express your feelings otherwise nobody will understand what's going on in your mind. Not that they might be wrong, but just that they may have a difference of opinion.

@Harry_Styles: You can love your work and your family. And I, for sure, do. I love waking up and starting my day with the person I decided to spend the rest of my life with but I also love waking up and turning up to my job, which I love just as much. It's about a balance and whilst I'm still learning to strike it, I know it's achievable.

@Harry_Styles: I may make mistakes along the way but that's purely because I'm human just like anybody else.

@Harry_Styles: But the truth remains that I love and I am so grateful for this band and for the fans and also to anyone who helped us/ me get to where we are now. My love for my job is literally indescribable and I can't express my gratitude enough, no matter how hard I try. I also can't put into words how much I love you all. I love you all so much and I will never stop loving what I'm doing.

@Harry_Styles: But just as much as that's the truth, my family is my family. And I will forever stand up for them, even if that means I'll be judged for it.

Most people, though, understood it to be that Harry doesn't like the job he's got; he hates the media and his lifestyle and that he doesn't get on with his management. Which was of course far from the truth.

Out of stress, Harry had a brief meltdown as he didn't exactly experience something like this ever before.

"They called me a womanizer, I didn't react. They called me a liar, I didn't react. They called me so much, Jasmine. I never react." Harry said to me as he looked into his hands. "Management likes that I have this image. I'm always the one that gets picked for the PR stunts, it's a given. And it doesn't matter if I don't like that." I noticed a tear slid down his face. "I love this job, so much. But it's so... stressful." He sighed. "But now I'm being made to look like the villain when all I wanted to do was stand up for you. And they were the one that were wrong. Yet I'm the one who has to take the blame."

I felt so bad for him as I watched him break down yesterday. It literally broke my heart to see that someone who was usually always so happy and excited at all times was facing this much under the surface. It was so heart-breaking and I just wanted to try and fix things for him but I couldn't. There was nothing I could do.

Harry had an interview earlier today and in it, Harry was asked directly about the previous event and Harry tried his hardest to explain how he meant what he said and not that he hated his lifestyle but was actually so grateful for it, something that he repeated to me so often.

"I really do love my job, you know?" He said to me, his voice broken. "I love it. I couldn't imagine doing anything else and if I was only working for the satisfaction of the fans, I'd be completely happy. But I have to make sure that I don't screw up; I have to make sure that I'm also satisfying the needs of the label - I barely even get to go home, we just  work on the album, then we tour and then we work on the album and then we tour and it's a constant repeat. I haven't had a break since 2010 and of course I'm grateful. I can't stress it enough and I wish people knew how much I love this job. But it gets so hard to live up to everyone's needs. Sometimes, I just want to stop time, take a step back and breathe. I want people to see me for who I am and I feel like I have to constantly make myself to be someone I'm not. And it gets so tiring." He said. "I just want to have fun. Not feel like I'm going to screw up every moment. Who am I? I haven't even had time to figure it out. And I'm being expected to fit a mold of how I'm supposed to be. But what if that's not who I want to be? But then, I don't even know who I am or who I want to be. I don't know, it's so confusing and annoying."