Dear Darling

68

Dylan

"So, Dylan," Theresa began as she scooped spaghetti onto our plates. "Jo tells us that you're a photographer,"

"Yeah, I am," I responded. "I do weddings mainly, but I also just take photos around New York in my down time,"

The four of us were sat around the dining table, and it wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be.

I could feel David's gaze on me from across the table, and though it wasn't a glare, I still felt shaky. He seemed nice enough, and Jo told me that both her parents were open to our relationship, but he hadn't said anything more to me after introducing himself.

Jo was sitting next to me and I could feel the nerves radiating off of her body. I knew she was worried about me; of course, she had noticed my behavior earlier when her father spoke to me, and I knew that she wanted to know how I was doing every second.

Truthfully, I didn't even know that being in her dad's presence would paralyze me like that. I hadn't felt as helpless or pliable as I did when I was standing in front of him for a long time.

It was difficult to explain. I wasn't threatened by David, quite the opposite actually, he seemed loving and welcoming enough. But I still felt this innate urge to obey. To do whatever was asked of me so that nothing bad would happen.

"That sounds nice," Tess smiled at me from across the table.

"Are you in college?" David spoke, asking his own question.

A tingle of dread ran up my spine when I heard him speak; there was an undertone of another voice within the words. A voice of someone terrible and frightening.

"No," I responded. "Not right now. I did get an Associate's degree in arts of photography, but I'm out of school now. I have a steady job right now and I just had my work shown in a gallery in Manhattan, so school isn't really something I'm focusing on,"

Josephine's father nodded his head, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What kind of photos do you take? Besides the weddings, of course,"

"I do a lot of nature stuff," I said, feeling the anxiety slip away as I continued to speak. "Central Park, mostly. But I also like modern realism stuff; things like buildings or people on the street."

"He's an amazing photographer," Jo piped, smiling over at me. She held my hand under the table. "It's like whatever is in the picture is speaking to you, telling you its story,"

Jo's parents looked to each other. They both seemed to acknowledge something silent between the two of them before Theresa smiled at everyone.

"What about your parents?" She asked. "What do they do?"

I felt Jo's fingers stiffen as she continued to hold my hand. I didn't say anything at first; my brain was too busy trying to figure out what there was to say.

"Is something wrong?" David asked when I stayed silent.

My skin heated at all the thoughts racing through my head. I couldn't stop them or slow them down at all in order to make sense of them.

"Um," Jo spoke. "Dylan's-,"

"No," I interrupted her gently. She looked at me in surprise. "It's okay,"

Josephine nodded, a small smile gracing her perfect face. I looked at her parents.

"My mom is a substitute teacher and my father is a lawyer," I tried not to spit the word 'lawyer' out of my mouth. I could almost taste the poison of the word and the person it was attached to. "To be honest, I'm not on speaking terms with my father. My childhood wasn't the best and I choose not to have him in my life because of that,"

The couple sitting across the table from me listened as I explained, and I felt more and more comfortable within the situation. I had never had this before; a fully functional family dynamic. The sensation was strange; an alien feeling.

I envied everyone who had the privilege of experiencing it for their whole life.

"Oh," Tess said quietly. "I'm sorry to bring that up,"

"Don't apologize, please," I insisted. "You had no way of knowing."

There was a small sense of tension for a moment, before Jo broke the silence.

"Dylan's also a musician," She smiled proudly at me.

I am proud of you, her words from earlier echoed in my brain. I smiled back.

"Yeah, I'm in a band with my friends. We write some of our own stuff, but at most of our gigs we play covers,"

"What kind of music?" David inquired.

"Alternative, mostly. The stuff that I grew up listening to,"

We continued eating, the conversation becoming easy after the ice was officially broken. I found that being with Jo and her parents felt a lot like being with my mom. David and Tess were both very nice and they seemed to like me enough, and I liked them.

They asked me all the questions that mom had asked Jo when they first met, though Jo's parents focused more on my plans for the future and what I was doing with my life now.

I answered them honestly, telling them that I was happy photographing weddings and that I played in the band because I loved music, not because I wanted to be famous.

I told them about growing up with Luke and Jeremy and how much I loved living in the city. I told them about my mom; they didn't ask about my father anymore.

When dinner was done, we all went to the living room and continued to get to know each other, and when I left her house I kissed Jo goodbye and told her that I loved her more than she could ever know.

~

I was staying at a small hotel in the middle of town; my room was small and quaint, but also homey.

I paced the room, my cell phone in hand. My thumb hovered over the call button, my gut churned as I stared down at the screen.

"You can do this Dylan," I told myself, shaking my head.

I took a breath before dialing that number I couldn't bear to delete from my phone. I prayed that he had changed it in the last ten years, but when the line picked up and it was a familiar voice on the other end, I mentally cursed myself.

"Hello?" He asked.

I nearly couldn't bring myself to say anything. The minute I heard his voice, my throat wanted to close up and I wanted to hide somewhere dark and safe.

"It's Dylan," I said.

"I'm glad you called," My father said. "How are you? Your mother was worried about you,"

"I'm not calling to make small talk," I said harshly. "I'm fine. I'm calling because I want to meet the kids. I think I've made it pretty clear that I don't want you in my life but I would like to meet my brother and sister. You owe me that much,"

He was silent. I couldn't help but picture his face as he thought over my demands.

"Okay, Son," He finally replied. "We'll meet in a few days. You can pick the place,"

"Fine. Talk to you later, then."

I hung up and flopped down to the hotel bed. My head hurt; an intense throbbing in the back of my skull. It was the worst headache I had ever had and I knew it was because of everything that had happened today.

First, a five hour plane ride. Then, a confession that ripped my heart out; a brother and a sister? Meeting my girlfriend's parents next, and finally, yet another conversation with my dead-beat dad.

I didn't bother changing out of my clothes before I fell asleep that night.