Whalien 52 | BTS

Dimple | Ren

I led awake once again. I couldn't sleep because the memories that have been made over the past few days flood my mind. They replay over and over again.

But one sticks, and it's all I can think about.

A couple of days ago was when he actually saw them. The scars that is. The ugliest things you could ever see. Yet he found them beautiful.

Why?

They are so horrible. And now they are permanently on my body. I don't want them. I never wanted them. I try so hard to cover them and I finally slipped up and he saw.

I hate people noticing them but Tae? It was like he was meant to see them. Like the universe wanted him to see. And when he did? He didn't question me at all, he just brushed it aside. He wasn't phased one bit. He touched them. I let him.

I can still feel his touch. His soft skin on mine. I can still feel his hand around my thigh as his thumb glides over my deepest scar. That scar that holds the reason to why I am here.

I will admit I hated it at first. When he touched them. But when I saw at how he was looking at them I felt at ease. He was completely mesmerised by them. Everytime he touched a different one he would smile like he was taking away their hideous memories. Watching him it just made me happy.

As he moved from scar to scar. He found my dimple. At first he was rather confused, then my explanation followed. I have quite a few dimples in my legs, and he managed to find the most prominent one.

The way he would look at me and smile just made my heart melt. It was like he had never seen anything like this before. But there is always a first time for everything.

I smile to myself. A first time for everything. Another memorable part enters my mind. Slowly my cold hand makes its way to touch my plump bottom lip. I close my eyes and the scene replays. His lips were on mine. They're just like how I imagined them, soft and sweet.

It was our first kiss. I kissed him first. All I could think when he was smiling at my scars was about how lucky I was to have him. Some people see things like that and run for a mile.

But Tae is different.

He sees past my imperfections.

That's what makes him so special to me.

All of the bad things I've done to myself, all the walls I've built he sees straight through them.

There is something special about him. Since we've been together I've not once thought about harming myself in anyway. The reasoning of why I am here in this home hasn't crossed my mind.

He is one of the two reasons I am still breathing.

I can't fuck this up. I won't. He is too valuable to lose. And too precious to leave. I just wish I could say those three simple words to him. But I just can't. I'm always going to be afraid to love again.

Taehyung, one day I will say those three words to you and I will mean it with my whole life. But I can't do it at the moment. I'm too scared. Not of you or us. But of myself.

Please don't hate me for that. Forgive me, but it'll take some time.