Whalien 52 | BTS

Her | Taehyung

It's been half an hour. Only half an hour left to spend with my best friend. Every Tuesday is the only day I get to see him. Which sucks. They said he could come more often because I'm not as bad as I used to be. They said he could come two maybe three times a week.

They lied. They always lie.

He keeps talking about his 'relationship' with Snow. The red head sat with Ren. Kookie keeps saying about how adorable she is. How good at art she is. Don't get me wrong I love hearing about his life. But then I don't at the same time because I can't do anything like that. I'm stuck inside these walls.

"We went to the beach on Saturday, she is just the cutest, her ocean blue eyes just fell in love with the water when she saw it" he stops and I look back to him.

"I am listening, my eyes just drifted that's all" I admit the truth.

I am listening to him, it's just hard for me. He can be with and see the girl he's fallen for every day. I mean yes I can be with Ren and I can see Ren. But it's not the same. I can't just go up to her and hug her and hold her close I have to 'keep a distance'. Where as he can do whatever whenever.

I focus back to watch he was saying as he was still talking about him and Snow.

"Then we just walked together, I did get a little anxious when I was watching her walk along the rocks, only because she was getting tired and I didn't want her to slip and hurt herself, eventually we left when we were in the car she was cold so I did the good thing and I ga-"

"Gave her your hoodie?" I finish his sentence.

Another thing I can't do with Ren.

"Yeah, because she fell asleep in the car I carried her to our dorm and she slept in my bed and I slept on yours" Even though I've not been there for two years he still says it's my bed. He hopes that I'll be able to join college again but I highly doubt it. It makes me feel like a crap friend though because he's having to go though college basically alone.

I have the feeling that him and Jimin don't talk much as he never talks about him. When I was put myself in this place he would speak about him constantly but now? Nothing. He doesn't even mention his name.

"Then in the morning I climbed into my own bed, as much as I find yours comfortable mine will always be the comfiest mattress" he chuckles, whilst I just simply roll my eyes.

"What a gentleman, not sleeping with her on the first date" I wind him up.

"It wasn't a date! It was just a friendly outing that's all" I raise my left eyebrow.

"Sure, with the girl who you desire to be with? Yeah course it was a friendly outing" I grumble towards him. All I got in return is a frown. "Don't worry bunny rabbit, she probably likes you too! I mean who wouldn't, you used to have all the girls over you" he rolls his eyes at me.

"So what's life like here?"

"Better" I simply say and he nods.

"That's a step in the right direction, so that means you can come home soon?" Kookie jumps a couple steps ahead.

My better is Ren.

If I get discharged from here I don't want to leave her here. Six days we've been together. Tomorrow it's a whole week. I want to do with her what Kookie does with Snow. Take her out. Spoil her. Treat her like she's the only thing that matters to me. Make sure nothing hurts her. Make her feel loved.

Hearing everything that Kookie has said he's done with Snow, it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel bad because I can't do that. He gets to live his life a day at a time. In the read world. I'm stuck on here. With white walls. Constant worries. Questions. I get to see the girl I like. But I can't do anything. I can't take her to a cliché date or anything.

He can.

I feel Kookie lightly tap my shoulder and it brings me back to reality. I focus back to a frowning Kookie. "Dude your starring again" I slightly smile at him and shrug.

"It's okay for me to stare now"

"What do you me- wait! Did my boy finally ask the girl he's been crushing on for four and a half months out?"

"Two things, one I'm older than you and two sort of"

"Sort of?" I lightly nod and he tilts his head to the side like a confused bunny-puppy.

"I was saying to her about proving them wrong and everything but before I could get to the part where I asked her out she said 'be with me?' That's what I mean by sort of" I quietly say because it's basically illegal for us to be dating.

"So does anyone know?" He fires the short yet simple question at me.

"Only Yoongi, I think Void might but I don't know if Ren has told him, but don't say anything because we're not allowed to date in here so if people hear we could get in the shit and one of us could me moved to another home" his eyes widen.

"I promise no one will know, you have my word" I know I can trust Kookie. I can trust him with anything. He knows everything. It's hard to hid things from him. Even if you do. He'll figure it out if it's the last thing he'll do.

"So got any plans after you've seen me? You know as it's half term and all?" I curiously ask him.

"I'm hoping to spend the day with Snow? But I don't know what to do?" I shrug at him.

I don't know either I've forgotten what the outside world looks like.

"Maybe take her to the zoo? Just go sit at a park? Picnic? I don't know dude, been a while since I've been able to do people things" I lightly chuckle at him.

"All good things, she's just good company to have, and she und-"

"Could we maybe talk about something other than you and Snow? It just makes me feel crappy because you can do all of that with the girl you adore but I cannot, all I can do is sit next to her, I can't even hold her hand without getting caught, all our actions have to be out of view" I cut him off and he nods.

"Of course! Of course, how did your last meeting with Jin go?"

He changes the subject instantly.

"It went okay, it was yesterday nothing got resolved again, it was the same as normal, same questions about my sleeping and my night terrors, I'm seeing him again tomorrow though" he just nods.

I never give him the full details about my meetings with Jin. Only because I don't want him to worry even more than he already does. He doesn't need to worry about me. He needs to have a clear head for his performances. I can only watch recordings of them. They won't let me out for a hour to watch him.

"It's time gents" Yoongi said from behind me. My head instantly drops. I hate this time. 9 O'clock. It's always the time he leaves me. I wish I could spend a couple minutes more with him. But that's not allowed either. For a place that wants to make people happy they don't let us do a lot of things.

Ridiculous.

I stay seated. I have no energy to get up. My body just goes heavy. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I tilt my head to see Kookie smiling down at me. "Soon you'll come home, I believe in you" he whispers. I nod.

He always knows the right thing to say.

I watch him walk out the door with Snow. They would make a great couple. Well only if my best friend would ask her out. I know he can. He's just a little nervous. He soon will. When the time is right.

I see Ren sat down and she just looks sad. Her eyes look dull. Snow is her life. From what she's told me Snow is all she has. When she leaves she must feel worse than I do?

I find myself walking over to her and I sit next to her. "You've always got me" I whisper. I lightly nudge her with my elbow and shoot my eyes down to my hand. To which she places her hand on mine. Lacing our fingers together she rests her head on my shoulder.

She's the reason for my warm heart.

She's the reason I feel human again.

She's the reason I can get better.

She is the reason. Her!