Love Is Not The Enemy

I'LL NEVER LET GO

"Really" Cari asks shyly and tilts her head down, "you mean all that?"

"Every single word" I whisper and carefully tilt her head back up to press my lips against hers softly, "You're my everything, baby."

Cari wrapped her arms around my waist tightly and buries her head in my chest, "I'm so in love with you, it's crazy." She whispers and looks up at me with the same shy expression, "It almost scares me how much."

I wrap my arms around her body tightly and pull her sideways onto my lap, "Oh, I know" I whisper into her hair and drop my head onto her shoulder, "I didn't even know it was possible to feel so strongly towards someone; to be so in love." I smile and carefully graze my fingertips over the bare skin on her back, "It honestly scares the shit out of me. Because on one hand, you're the reason for my greatest happiness, but one the other hand..." I inhale slightly shakily and move one hand down towards her hand to gently lace our fingers together, "you have my heart and it's your decision what you want to do with it. You can drop it at every moment, even though I trust that you won't, you can and therefore, you can be the reason for my worst heartbreak as well."

Cari sits up in my lap and connects our gazes as she places the palm of her free hand flatly over my chest, right above my heart, "I promise I won't drop it" Cari whispers and let's go of my hand to lift it up to my cheek, slowly tracing it with the pad of her thump, "I'll keep it locked inside of my own forever. You just have to hold onto mine and we'll be fine."

I smile softly and place my own hand on the bare, warm skin above my girlfriend's heart, "I'll never let go."

Cari moves her hand from my cheek to around my neck and pulls me into a tight hug, causing a sense of warmth to fill my chest and I wrap both of my arms around her body. I pull Cari as close as possible and sigh softly in contentment when she nuzzles her head into my neck, mumbling something I'm unable to pick up.

"What was that?" I ask quietly and gently run my hand over her bare back.

"I said I don't want to move" Cari mumbles, her lips grazing my skin with their every move, sending shivers down my spine.

"Then, don't" I respond quietly and place one arm under her knees and one behind her back, carefully lifting her up as I walk around the bed and ease myself onto the mattress with Cari on top of me.

I press a tender kiss to the side of her head before letting go of her body to pull the duvet over us, earning a dissatisfied moan in respond to the loss of touch. I chuckle quietly to myself as I wrap my arms back around my girlfriend, letting my thoughts drift to the hours we had just spent filming with Ryan for his and Cari's project.

Had I known before we filmed, that the feelings I'm left with now, would be the ones currently keeping a smile on my face, I would have never regretted saying yes to the idea in the first place. I would have never dreaded every step towards Ryan's house with Cari's hand held tightly in my own and I would have never tried to come up with the most ridiculous excuses to possibly ditch the idea all together, probably breaking the girl of my dreams' heart in the process. Later, I imagine, my own heart would have most likely followed, too.

Everything I had imagined I would have been left with after filming with Ryan and Cari today,  was the opposite of what I'm actually filled with right now as I pull my girlfriend just a little closer and bury my face in her soft, blond curls with a widening smile on my lips I know I'm unable to rid myself of, even in the deepest of sleeps. I don't think even a nightmare would be able to push the curl of my lips down even in the slightest.

All I'm left with after filming the video is happiness. Pure happiness and a huge portion of self-esteem mixed together delicately. I've never felt as proud of myself as I feel right now. It's like I'm finally ready to scream out just how much I love the girl in my arms from the tallest of mountains, no matter how many disapproving glares and homophonic assholes I get after me. All I want to do is inform everyone there is just how wonderful my girlfriend is. How beautiful she is. How delicate her touch is. How our hands fit together like no puzzle pieces ever can. Just how easy it is to love her; to be in love with her.

Everything just felt so right when I ran down the sidewalks with Cari's hand in mine, stealing innocent kisses every few minutes without looking out to see if there was anyone watching or telling her just how much I love her while still holding eyes contact with her as I say so, not just whispering it into her ear. It felt so good to just not care about the two people walking in on us kissing in the laundromat, just laugh it off like it was nothing. Because it shouldn't be a huge deal if two people in love wants to show affection in public.

It all filled my body with a sense of relief; freedom and with the feeling of just wanting to tell everyone in this second by just pulling Cari into a kiss where I get to taste her smile and she mine, proudly holding her hand afterwards.

"I love you" I whisper quietly, not really expecting a response, just feeling the need to express some of the feelings trapped up inside of me out loud.

"Mm" Cari mumbles and lifts one of her legs over my lap and pushes her face further into my neck, "I love you."

"You know the bonfire Ryan wanted to film by tomorrow, the one down by the water" I whisper silently, feeling a rush of confidence flow though my veins at the thought of what I'm about to propose to my girlfriend.

"Mhm" Cari mumbles tiredly and nods into my neck while moving one hand up from the bottom of the hoodie I'm wearing, placing her palm against my bare stomach.

"Maybe we could invite our friends" I tell her quietly, slowly walking into the subject of our resent fights; or all our fights really.

"To film?" Cari asks confusedly into my neck, slowly running her thumb over the skin on my stomach.

"No" I shake my head and carefully tilt my head to the side, resting it against Cari's, "to tell them" I state calmly, "about us, I mean" I add slowly while closing my eyes and holding my breath as I wait for her response.

After a few seconds I feel a smile against my neck as Cari lifts her hand out of my hoodie and wraps both her arms tightly around my neck, "Really?" She asks quietly with a slight quiver in her voice as she hooks her legs around my body as well, clinging onto me as some kind of koala deprived on body contact with its mother.

I nod slowly and strengthen my hold around her body, "Really."

"I would love that" Cari whispers out as a light giggle creeps up her throat, along with something that seems dangerously close to a sob, "fuck," Cari mutters under her breath as she lifts her head out of my neck and meets my gaze, confirming my concerns, "I didn't expect that" she laughed quietly and reaches up to wipe her eyes with the backside of her hand, "what changed you mind?"

I smile up at her and help her wipe away the rest of the tears that managed to escape, "I don't know" I tell her and try to find a way to voice my emotions in a way the words actually would give the emotions any justice at all, "I guess just the feeling of not caring so much, like, to just be and be with you."

Cari smiles down at me and connects our lips, softly moving hers against mine, until our smiles make it impossible to keep going, "I love you so fucking much, you have no idea."

"Oh, I think I do" I tell her and smile to myself as Cari's face finds its way back into the crook of my neck, "I can't even begin to describe how you make me feel, how much I love absolutely everything about you."

"Promise to hold onto my heart forever?" 

"As long as you keep a hold of mine, yours is safe with me."

-

Hey guys!

We reached chapter 50 and over 80k reads! That's insane! Thank you so much to everyone of you who still haven't given up on me or this book yet! I'm honestly surprised by how many people who actually takes their time to read my writing... I know it's a little bit all over the place sometimes... lol.

But you keep me motivated, especially those of you who continuously votes and comments such kind words on my chapters. You have no idea how happy those few words make me.

I've also gotten to know a few amazing people through writing this, you know who you are, who never fail to make me smile no matter what mood I am in.

Thank you all so much!

-Victoria