19: I'm Sorry

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              I laid there and cried. I felt so weak, but I couldn't stop the river of tears that fell from my eyes. Hugging my Riko nesoberi with one arm, I apologized over and over again to her, even though she wasn't there.
Why isn't she here? Why did I have to be so stupid?
After crying for hours, I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. My eyes were red and my hair was a mess. I wiped my face with a towel and made my way to kitchen to get a glass of water. I struggled to pour water, since I couldn't use my dominant hand. When I finally managed to fill the glass, I took huge gulps of water, drinking it all within seconds. I placed the cup in the sink and walked over to my couch, taking a seat.

I put it here so it's more noticeable
                  "I'm sad - so much that I run out of tears," I began to sing. "I'm in pain - so much that it start to feel numb."
                   My voice cracked as I sang. My throat was still dry from crying.
                   "On nights likes these, where I'm so empty that my heart starts to disappears, what should I do?"
                  I stopped and placed my hand on my forehead. I couldn't stop replaying that moment in my mind. I'm such an idiot.
-2 months later-
                 I woke up to the sound of bird chirping outside my window. I groaned as I got up and prepared for another day of long lectures. My wrist had completely healed, so I didn't have to wear my cast anymore. It was a struggle, but Mayu offered to help me.
Ever since that day two months ago, Mayu and I have been able to talk like we used to, but I still felt miserable without Rikako. I called, texted, and did whatever I could to talk to her, but she shut me out. The members of Aqours didn't try to talk to me. They knew it wasn't their business, even though I knew it hurt them to see us both like this. Suwawa, however, still kept in touch. She's been keeping me updated on Rikako, while helping me cope as well.
I was done with being depressed, because I knew I had to be strong, but I still wasn't over her. I just didn't know how to get her back. It only happened twice, but I already missed her lips. I missed that perfect smile that was for me alone. I also missed the days when we spent time together, just the two of us.
I walked to my car and drove to the university with a mind full of thoughts. What we could've been, what I could've done, how I could've stopped her from leaving. After what happened, she denied the rumors about our relationship, saying how I was just a friend. I knew I didn't deserve someone like her. She's way out of my league.
                     Suddenly, a woman ran out into the street, causing me to slam my foot on the brakes. Luckily, I managed to stop in time just before I hit her. I tried to catch my breath and rushed out of my car.
                    "Y/n!" She exclaimed.
                   I instantly brought my hand to my face when I heard the familiar voice,"Aunt?"
                   She ran up to me and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me back and forth,"I know I'm two months late, but what the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Literally labeled this book as mature because of this
                    "What the fuck are you doing here, Aunt?!"
                     "Trying to see what caused my niece to grow up and become such an idiot! You get a girl and you lose her as soon as she confirms she loves you?"
                     A car honked behind us, while people out in the streets watched us curiously. I opened the door for my aunt to get in and continued driving.
                  I sighed,"I understand what you're saying. Yes, I was stupid, but that doesn't mean you have to jump in front of my car just to say that. Aren't you supposed to be running the hotel?"
                    "I'm taking a break. I let the manager take care of it," She explained.
                    I nodded,"What do you think I should do? It's been two months since we've talked."
                    "I got a plan. It will take some time and we're gonna need some help from that famous friend of yours," She smirked.
This isn't gonna be good
                    When I got home, I decided to take out my guitar and play it. I walked over to my closet and pulled it out. I tuned the strings before playing a soft melody. My parents never approved of it, but it's not like they're here to judge me now.
                    Suddenly, my phone rang. I got up and walked over to my desk, where I left my phone. I picked it up and answered.
                    "Hey Y/n. It's Suwa. As we thought, the plan your aunt came up with is gonna take a while, so you should practice what you want to say before then," She said. "We'll probably do it during the concert, so get ready. It's only a month away."
                   "Thanks for doing this. It means a lot to me," I smiled to myself.
                   "It's no big deal. I just can't stand seeing two of my friends like this."
                   We said our goodbyes and hung up. I placed my phone back on my desk and picked up my guitar again. I played the tune to a song that I loved, because it makes me think about how beautiful love can be. I got up and grabbed some sound equipment.  I put on a mask and adjusted it, so it fit comfortably on my face. Once everything was set up, I began to strum my guitar. 
                  As I sung, I watched as my memories played again and again in my mind. When I finished, I stopped the camera and removed my mask. I edited the video a bit before uploading it onto YouTube.
I always wanted to do this. How did I forget?
                  I closed my laptop once it finished and laid down on my bed, thinking of what to say to Rikako.


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