Dead Drop

You are exactly who everyone says you are

Ela's P.O.V.

I was so beyond exhausted. I can't even fathom the fact that I am still awake right now. Could I possibly not be awake? Could me seeing Alex have been a dream? It felt too good to be true. How could he have possibly gotten in without setting of any alarms? Was Tyler here too? It wouldn't make sense that he would come alone. Tyler would never allow him to come here by himself. That's way too dangerous.

I felt him though. I touched him and hugged him and looked into his eyes. He wasn't screaming in pain or looking at me angrily. It felt like him. Not like any of the hallucinations they have been making me have recently. However, I can't trust myself. I can't trust my mind. I can't trust my instincts. Everything I see or experience here could be, and probably is, a lie. Some fabrication of the truth or some type of manipulation to get me to become one of them.

As much as I would like it to have really been Alex I don't think it was. It couldn't have been. It just couldn't have. Could it have?

I heard a loud thud come from the room next to mine.

Jerry.

Is he okay? Has he been going through the same testing I have? God, I wish I could take this all back. I wish I had never dragged Jerry along with me on the hunt for my father... our fathers. I wish I left him alone in Paris. He was happy there. He had friends there who could protect him. Friends who really cared about him. He'd probably live a happy life. He could have met a girl there and fallen in love and been happy. He might have even become a spy in the end. I literally ruined his life. I brought him down this rabbit hole with me and I keep putting him in danger.

That goes for Alex as well. I mean... I can't really blame him for the way he came into my life. He was raised like this. This was the only life he knew. And while that doesn't excuse anything, he did try to fix the wrongdoings of this organization. He was doing so well as the leader of the Circle. Once we broke up he was really doing great things. I feel so bad that he had to be dragged back into my crazy life. He was so close to finally being free of my grip on him.

As for Tyler... words cannot begin to describe how much it pains me to have hurt him. Even though I knew Jerry first, and I agreed to marry Alex, Tyler was officially my first love. He was always someone I could count on with my life. He brought me out of a very dark place when I left the Circle. I was basically the only family he had left. I knew how much it hurt him knowing that his family was the reason I was suffering. And he opened up to me, sharing things he's never shared with anyone before. I always knew I was safe because I had him in my corner. I owe him so much, so much more than he even realizes. Reuniting him with his mom was nowhere near enough to repay him for everything.

Really... I honestly owe all of them so much. I'm such a selfish person and their lives have completely gone to shit since meeting me. Hopefully one day, if I make I out of here and can stop this war, I will be able to repay my debts to them. Because they are going through hell for me. So, even if I have to give up my life for theirs I will. I don't care what I have to do, where I have to go, or who I have to kill.

"Good morning, Ela." Nathaniel's voice bellowed through the microphone. My eyes trailed up to the two-way mirror that took up an entire wall.

"Alex." I coughed. "Where's Alex?" My voice was scratchy and hoarse, but I didn't care. I needed to know last night was real. I needed to know if Alex was actually here.

"He's safe." Nate assured me.

"No. That's not good enough." I shook my head before prying myself off of the ground. However, my legs were too weak and I fell back down. I crawled over to the mirror ad weakly placed my hand on it. "I need to know where he is. Please..." I pleaded weakly.