Dead Drop

I Think We're Forming A Great Bromance Here

The sound of heavy footsteps woke me up. I rolled over on the hard floor and waited as the footsteps got closer. I knew I couldn't move. My entire body was still sore from the beating I took yesterday. I honestly can't believe I had called Ela. I can't remember leaving my room yesterday, much less getting to a phone. I didn't even know I still had her number memorized. Funny the things that will come to you when you are in the midst of a mental breakdown.

Ela...

She has to be so worried about us right now. She must be thinking this is all her fault. My panicking on the phone could not have helped that situation. I just don't understand how I could've blown such an opportunity. I had her on the phone and all I could do was beg her to help us. I barely gave her any idea on where to start looking for us. If I spent less time freaking out then we would've had more time to figure out where in the world we actually are. Granted, I do not have a fucking clue as to where we are. I have ideas, but I didn't articulate them as well as I could've.

I wish I had stayed more calm. Ela's going to think that we're in imminent danger and she's going to get hasty. She's going to rush everyone to speed up their search for us, but that's not the best idea. Hasty judgement leads to more mistakes. These people seem like they are very well organized and have several back-up plans. There's no room for error.

Yet, I blew the door wide open for something bad to happen. I know Ela is flipping out right now. I know it. I could hear it in her voice when I listened to the recordings. I felt it in the way she screamed my name before the line went dead. I wish I could have kept her out of this. Even though all of this begins and ends with her. All of this is centered around her. I had a huge part in setting all of this up. Had I not fallen in love with her those years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess. On the other hand, we would be in the middle of a world war. A war that could very well still happen, but at least we were able to hold it off for a couple years.

I wish I could handle this without her getting involved. After everything she went through... after everything that I... we put her through... she deserves to be happy. Tyler and I really worked a number on her. She was finally free of us and all our shit. Now she's right back sucked in the middle of all of this because of us. I mean, aren't we tired of hurting her by now? I know I am. And it's killing me knowing that there's no way that she won't be involved in this. She should've been able to live out her happy, normal, spy-free life and we messed that up for her. Despite our efforts in telling her not to get involved, we both knew that she would never listen to us. Now, no matter how much we don't want her to get involved we both know she's basically our only hope now. There's no way she's gonna give up on us now. Not after I called her. Not after she heard me get beat half to death.

I can still hear her screaming. It's echoing in my head. It's all I can hear now. Sometimes I feel like it's drowning out the sounds of my own thoughts. And at this point, I don't know which one I'd rather hear. Both are about to send me over the edge of any sanity I have left.

I looked over at Tyler, wondering if I should wake him. I could feel something bad was coming. Everything felt too... calm. I don't know, something just wasn't sitting right in the pit of my stomach. I knew that they wouldn't have me undergo any physical training because I could barely move. I also wouldn't be going through mental training either, because I about near had a mental breakdown yesterday. Despite all of that I felt like something worse was coming. I sensed that calm before the storm feeling that everyone talks about. Maybe it was the anxiety talking. Maybe I was paranoid by the sounds of footsteps continuously walking past our room. Maybe it was the fact that they randomly gave us food yesterday. Whatever the reason for this feeling, I felt like I was going to throw up.