Beautiful Remains

"Here's to the Lonely Hearts and the Ones That Never Change"

So let me update you on my life.

It's been a few days since I left the Black Veil Brides bus and began staying with New Years Day.

In those few days I have dyed my hair completely red, I got my eyebrow and septum pierced, and I got a new tattoo, it's on my wrist saying, love hurts.

When we're at the Warped stops, I avoid Andy at all costs. I still leave the bus but I make sure he is no where around, I absolutely do not want to bump into him.

It's been a few days so I have cooled down, I am still so, so, so, incredibly furious and heartbroken, and I have the right.. But I still miss him, of course I do because I love him.

I have kept in touch with the other guys, I made them swear to me on their lives they would not tell Andy where I am, who I'm staying with, and how I am doing.

But I've been telling them to tell me what he's been up to, and man..

Ever since I left according to the guys, who I trust by the way, Andy has been bringing girls on the bus and having sex with them in the same damn bunk that him and I shared. He's been having girls sleep over in the same damn bunk him and I shared.

But he's been texting and calling me, I don't pick up his calls or answer his texts, he asks where am I, how am I doing, what can he do to bring me back to their bus, this and that.

I guess he's been asking about me, like if they have seen me or heard from me, not that he would care.. He drove me out anyway.

You'd think by now Andy would have seen me around or have found me, but he hasn't, not like he is looking for me anyway.

I ended up spilling the whole truth to TJ about what has been going on with Andy and I, how I feel about Andy, what he has done to me.. But I also told TJ how I feel about him, and TJ was mad but he isn't much anymore.

All he wants is for me to be honest with him from now on, he told me he doesn't want a relationship at this point in time so him and I can still be best friends.

Which, I think is the best option, I'm not ready for a relationship or for love. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact my childhood best friend toyed with my feelings and played me like a fool, the whole time I was stupid enough to think he cared for me.

Man, him and I had sex. I don't usually think that's a big deal but I had sex with my best friend and I truly think that's a big deal, he has seen me completely exposed to him, he knows my turn ons and to the nitty gritty of what I enjoy in bed.

But it's whatever now, the feelings haven't gone away, they won't ever, but that's something I have to live with.

My self esteem has been real shitty, I just think to myself, I'm not enough, I'm not pretty or sexy or smart enough for him to actually love me back or to want to be with me, I'm not like the others girls who Andy does want.

But with Ashley and TJ's help I've been getting better.

Warped Tour is over in a few weeks, so I won't be seeing Andy or any of the guys or Ashley or TJ or any of the friends I have made on tour for a while, which makes me incredibly sad.

Ashley has been the best to me, I really can't thank her enough for what she's done for me.

I shake my head and finish getting ready.

Beartooth is throwing a bus party tonight, everyone is excited and I just pray to god that I don't bump into Andy.

There's been one party since I move into New Years Day's bus but I didn't go in fear that I'd see him.

But I'm not gonna let a stupid boy ruin a party or anything for me.

I slip on my thigh high tight strapless black dress, that hugs my curves perfectly, I straighten my red hair and clean my new piercings. I apply make up, avoiding the piercings and slip on my black platform pump heels.

I exit the bathroom and go into the kitchen area.

"Damn girl you're looking sexy!" Ashley cheers.

"Before party shots!" Kevin pours liquor in shot glasses and hands them to the whole band and me.

We all down the shots and leave their bus.

Andy's POV

I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, damn I have so many hickeys on my body, I have them on my chest, neck, and stomach, at least ten or more. I have scratches all down my back.

I look at my phone, just wishing I got a text from her telling me where she is. I miss her everyday, she's my best friend and she's not even staying with me on tour anymore. She's probably with TJ, I've asked around and no one will tell me anything.

She's gone completely MIA on me. I know she's still on the tour though, I can just feel her close to me.

I get ready for the party, I hope I see her, I had looked all over for her at the last party but I didn't see her.

I enter Beartooth's bus and grab a cup, filling it with beer.

"Hey Biersack!" Ronnie from Falling In Reverse pats me on the back.

"Hey dude," I say to him over the music.

A few people say hello to me as I walk through the crowd. There's people packed on the bus and outside, I see Ashley Costello, I know she knows where Racheal is, I just gotta get her to tell me.

"Ashley!" I say as I walk up to her.

"Oh hey Andy," She smiles at me.

"How's tour going?" I make small talk with her.

"Andy I know you came up to me to ask where Racheal is, and I just can't tell you, she doesn't want you to know," She says, looking at me sympathetically as she walks away from me.

I groan and begin walking around, making my way through the crowd of people. I enter the kitchen area to fill my cup again when something catches my eye. I look toward the counter to see a girl with red hair talking to TJ Bell.

I almost drop my cup, she's so.. Gorgeous. God, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I squint my eyes to get a better look at her, damn that black dress just suits her, it looks so good on her, so sexy.

Suddenly it hits me, I feel myself walk toward her.

My heart pounding so much, I fucked up..