(Brother;19): Do birds have pussies and dicks? Do they eat out and give top?
---
(Baby sister; 10): I never want a period!
(Me): Lls why, Dizzy?
(Baby Sis): ARE YOU KIDDING?! YOU BLEED FOR A WEEK!!! NONSTOP! IM LITTLE, I'D DIE AFTER TWO DAYS (Me): L.O. fucking L
---
(Dad): Ain't Ty Dolla Store dating his cousin on his daddy side?
(Me): No, Gordo...wtf
(Dad): Oh...his long lost sister?
(Me): Fucking Christ! No!
(Dad):...No sé! His daughter he don't know about?
(Me): Nigga, the door
---
(Sister; 15; eating a pear): Fuck Donald...hope he dies while eating a pear
---
(Brother; 16; in any quiet place): FAT PUSSY!
---
(Sister; 13; at 7): Can you die from swallowing a nickel?
(Me):...You swallowed a nickel didn't you?
(Sis):...No...a quarter
---
(Abuela; sitting quietly at the dinner table): When I die...scatter my ashes in Trumps diet soda...
(Brother; 24): *laughs* Then he'd be swallowing you
(Abuela): *straight face* Something I'd never do
(Me): Explains Papá's exsistance
(Papa): *hits me in the back of the head with his sandal*
---
(Me; walking into the living room): How's everybody?
(Sis; 11): Dead on the inside
(Me):...same asf, sis
(Bro;19) nigga, you're like 2 years old
(Sis): shut up, Gregorio. Ya dang swine
(Stepmom; from the kitchen) Stupid ass boy
---
(Uncle): Kid, you listen to that Havana girl, right?
(Me): Yeah, why?
(Uncle): Cool, but she'll never listen to yo tone deaf ess
(Me): Choke and die, tío...choke...and die
---
(Nephew;6) Awi? I beat u up!
(Me):*laughs* sure, Ziggy
(Neph): *shoots me w a fucking Nerf gun;straight face* Told you
---
(Sister; 15; at 12): *crying*
(Me): Kendra, what's wrong?
(Sister): I can't get John Cena out of my head!
---
(Papa): *watching fùtbol* Fuck this shit *turns to Disney* Ooh! Andi Mack!
---
(Also Papa): *singing off key asf* I'LL... NEVER BE THAT GIRL AGAIN! NO WHOA OH!
---
(Me): Yo, Gorio?
(Brother): Qué tal, puta
(Abuela): *throws a tortilla at his head* NO MALA PALABRAS, YOU LITTLE DEVIL!
---
*church; quiet prayer*
(Sister; 15): *farts loudly*
(Everyone): *looks back)
(Sis): *chill asf* I tried to hold it in, but Jesus pulled an Elsa and said *deep ass voice* 'Let it go, my child'
---
*my favorite*
(Nephew; 9): Ali...what's sperm?
(Me): *a mature adult* something your momma ain't swallow
(Neph): *straight face* Seriously, dawg...
(Me): A'ight, 'brino...*explain fr*
(Neph): *wide eyed* I...don't *runs off* WANNA KNOW ANYMORE!!!
YOU ARE READING
😂Funny Ass 5H And LM Shit😂
Fanfictionbunch of 5H/CC/LMand other shit that'll make u laugh, I guess- iF YoU DoN't rEaD THiS, I'LL pUT my Big tOE IN Yo' mOuF tONIgHT OR I'LL PUt My phAT DicK cOcK In YO NoZ ZONT PLAI WIF MEH, THOT
