Repairing the Hurt

Chapter 20

I wake up to a gentle knock on my door.

I had spent hours with Sean earlier, watching the babies and discussing my future in the Academy.

Only a few hours ago, I came back to my apartment and fallen asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.

I was in the middle of another nightmare when I heard the door.

My heart's racing, my body tensed.

I've never been so grateful for unexpected visitors.

I climb out of bed and stumble to the door, opening it without precedence.

"Miss Sorenson."

My body tenses again, just like with the nightmare. I'm happy to see him, but remembering our fight earlier, I'm not eager to relive that.

"Mr. Blackbourne." I greet him nonetheless and step aside, inviting him inside.

I close the door behind him and the tension is immediate, almost palpable in the air.

Everything's different, I can feel it. We weren't that far into our relationship, but I never doubted that he loved me in his own, quiet and cautious way. I've adored him since I've met him.

But now? Now I feel heartbroken. My chest is tight and my eyes refuse to meet his. His words from earlier still cutting into me.

"I love you," he whispers.

My body freezes. I didn't hear him correctly.

"I have never known fear like I felt when you were gone. I had to keep the family together, but I was more afraid than I have ever been. There was this huge piece missing."

Why is he telling me this? Why after this morning?

My eyes stare holes into my rug.

"When you walked through Sean's door, everything felt right again. I couldn't believe that you were really there, alive," his voice is wavering, but I keep my eyes down, "And then you kissed me and I thought it was a dream. Everything was the way it should have been, and you were in my arms."

A tear drops from my face, but I still don't look up.

"You have been different since you've been back, but that hasn't changed anything for me. You're far more independent than before and it's hard not being able to keep you in this protective bubble anymore. You're so angry at the world, even though you pretend not to be. But that's okay. I'm angry for what's happened, too."

I've cried so much today, it's amazing my eyes are dumping tears now. But I can't look at him. Not yet. I need him to finish.

"You're different, but it's still you. You're still the same girl I fell in love with when Sean brought you into my office at Ashley Waters. You still have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met, and you still make me the best version of myself."

My throat is clogged. I want to ask him why he said those things this morning. What changed in just a few hours?

"I panicked. You told me about what you did to get out, and I panicked. I knew you weren't an innocent girl anymore, untouched by true violence, as much I tried to convince myself otherwise. You came out of there scarred, but just as resilient and beautiful as ever, and I finally realized what you had to do, as much as I wish I could have protected you from that burden. I couldn't save you then, and I feel like I can't save you now, and it's crushing me."

I hear him set something down and walk towards me, but he stops about a foot away.

I can't even see the carpet, my eyes are filled with water.