Repairing the Hurt

Chapter 3

I come to groggy and disoriented. My whole body aches. Not like the ache from sleeping wrong, but the ache in your bones. The ache that seeps through every coherent thought and rips your attention to the pain radiating from everywhere.

I try to adjust, but find my arms unable to move, my wrists stiff and in pain.

I open my eyes and see a metal pole pressing against my forehead.

No.

Please don't be true.

Please just be a dream. A nightmare I'll wake up from and call North for.

The pain between my legs proves my consciousness.

Silent tears stream down my face.

I wanted my first time to be special, to be with one of my boys. Not like this. Never like this. Never had I really thought about what would happen if someone had forced themselves on me. Even with Rocky when he was high, or creepy McCoy, I had never truly let myself think about what would have happened. Jade was the only one who had actually touched me inappropriately, and Mr. Blackbourne had made sure she never came near me again. That incident in the bathroom was horrifying enough. And now that seems like nothing. It seems so trivial. How had I never been afraid of this before?

Even as I think it, I know my answer.

The guys were always watching out for me. They were my protectors, and they were my anchors. But now my anchors are thousands of miles away.

I finally realize, I'm all on my own. My family isn't here to save me. They may never be here to save me.

I cast the thought away as soon as it enters my mind.

I know the moment I stop believing I'll be found, will be the moment I lose it.

I close my eyes, and open them again.

Nobody's going to protect me here. Part of me knew that when I climbed down that shipping container. But I have to think of Jessica. I went after her because I couldn't let her face this alone. Nobody's going to protect me, but I can protect her. I made Kota a promise, one I intend to keep.

Silently, with tears still streaming down my face, I make a vow to myself. I have to promise myself this, or I'll shut down. I'll cower in a corner and let them hurt me.

But I won't let them hurt Jessica. I won't let anyone hurt her.

I vow to bring her home, and I've never broken a vow before.