Repairing the Hurt

Chapter 4

One year later.

I'm no longer afraid. The fear that crippled me before is nowhere in sight. I haven't gotten stronger, but I've gotten angrier. My rage fuels me now where my fear used to. Rage at where I am. Rage at what I've had to do. Rage at what's been done to me.

That first day was the easiest. For everything horrific that had happened, it was by far the easiest.

After my lesson the general gave me, he had unstrung me and given me a brown straw bag to cover myself with. That was standard uniform for the slaves. Then he had sent a soldier to take me to the slaves quarters, a set of tents right by the soldiers' so we'd be easier access.

That was their first mistake.

They made us dig our own graves the first night and lie in them. Some of the soldiers thought it was funny to bury some of the girls alive.

By morning we were accidentally reduced by four.

Somehow, despite my back still hurting weeks later, I had managed to dig my grave and lie in it. I was proud when Jessica managed it too. Some girls didn't.

That was fear guiding me then.

They set us to work. We dug. We cleaned. We performed. They even fed us aptly. Turns out, nobody really liked girls too thin to rape.

That was their second mistake.

Their third and final mistake, was going for Jessica. Every time anyone looked at her, I made them look at me instead. None of them were smart enough to realize I took her place every time. I made sure she never experienced what I was experiencing. There were the unavoidable beatings of course, but never did she see the side of torture or rape.

She had scars, but my body was as ravaged as my soul had become. The lashings had scarred into something brutal, covering much of my back. I had received more lashings than days of the year. Jessica had made sure they never got infected. My beatings were always worse. My nose had been broken, my ribs, my hand. My shoulder had been dislocated several times. But all in all, I was still standing, and that was more than some of the girls could say.

The worst  were the visits from the general. The first day, when he was looking at us like merchandise, he was actually looking for his personal concubine. I never regretted taking Jessica's place. She knew I was doing it too. She always knew, but she never fought me. She knew I was saving her from something unimaginable. That something unimaginable didn't happen as much as she believed, but I never bother to correct her. The general has needs other than those of unwilling girls. Disturbing, and harmful, but I've been able to manage thus far.

Their mistakes fueled my rage and set my determination.

Their insistence on easy access created a window to spy, to watch them train and learn from them. To learn their weaknesses.

Our labor has given us time to grow stronger, and to even practice the training techniques they were using.

I can now kill a man.

I can also understand everything they're saying, and can speak Spanish as well.

While they've been treating us as slaves, I've been learning.

I just need the right moment.

I gave up hope that the boys would find us. I never gave up hope that I would see them again, just that they would be the ones saving us. I now understand I'm going to save myself and Jessica.

And I'm ready.

Tonight.

I'm planning the details as I dig yet another grave for yet another dead girl.

This never ends. There are so few of us left. At first, when one of us died, the soldiers would be reprimanded, cursed for wasting money since we were purchased. Slowly they've been building up for another supply run, so why would they need us anymore? There's been talk of buying more girls, and they plan to head out tonight. A whole convoy of soldiers lead by Ezekiel, the soldier that first welcomed us to camp.

From what I understand, it's going to be a big delivery. They went through the latest batch too quickly. Jessica and I are amongst the only few still left.

That's how I know they're going to kill us. They want fresh girls. Jessica and I have seen too much. We're quickly becoming a liability.

My hands tighten around the shovel and I heft dirt over my shoulder. I then climb out of my six foot hole and roll the body of my friend inside the dank, putrid trench, before beginning the process of burying her.

She was one of the strong ones. I thought for sure she would be a survivor, if there were any.

I guess I was wrong.

This just motivates me to get Jessica out of here sooner. Tonight is the perfect opportunity when Ezekiel is out with a large bulk of the soldiers.

Now I just have to wait before I wreak havoc on this damn place.