Lush Expiration | Harry Styles AU | BOOK 3 ✓

24

Vicky West

As I was packing my suitcase, Red was laying on my bed and watching me patiently. She'd check her phone occasionally and tell me about the ridiculous Facebook posts of friends and family – she liked to entertain herself with the stupid quotes people posted on the internet.

But she had no idea what burden I was carrying as I stood in the middle of the bedroom, looking at my closet. I picked at my nails and stared ahead. Red's laugh seemed to drown out as I was getting lost in my own thoughts. I crossed my arms as I felt incredibly nervous. I hadn't felt like this in an awfully long time, and I was wondering how long I'd walk around with this heavy feeling inside of my body.

My back was facing Red, and I wanted to turn around and tell her why I felt the way I felt.

But I felt more safe, if I wasn't going to look at her.

I cleared my throat to grab her attention, and I did.

"He. . . uh . . . he didn't say it back." I said in a rush. I wanted to pronounce the words as fast as possible.

Red stayed silent, and clearly thought about what I said. "Who didn't say back what?" She wondered.

"Harry," I breathed out. "Uh . . Harry didn't say it back. He didn't say he loved me, too."

"Vicky, did you-"

"Yes, I said it aloud." I cut her off and turned around. My heart was beating fast against my chest, and I questioned why my hands got clammy so fast. "I said it, and I don't know if I want to take it back."

Red's eyes were fixated on me as she spoke the following words carefully, "He really didn't say it, did he?"

"No, Red!" I exclaimed and raked with my hands through my long hair out of frustration. "It has been days, and we haven't talked about it. I'm scared to ask him why he hasn't said it back."

"Vicks," Red whispered faintly. "I'm so sorry."

Red got off my bed and walked towards me. She wanted to wrap her arms around my body, but I didn't give in. Somehow, I didn't want to get a hug. I wanted her to keep her distance while I felt hurt because Harry didn't say it back. He kept silent when I told him the most important words.

"I-I was convinced he'd say it back, but he didn't." I said, and Red stood close to me – keeping the distance that I longed for. "He kept his mouth shut. We stared for a long time into each other's eyes, and I was just waiting for him to say it but he kissed me and said he was going to bed."

"I'm sure he loves you, Vicks." Red assured me.

"I get what you mean," I told Red. "But, somehow, him not saying it back makes me think he isn't in love with me."

"Don't think like that," she protested.

"That's the thing, Red. You can tell me not to think about Harry, about whether he's in love with me or not. But I just cannot stop feeling afraid." I explained. "I miss something. I miss closure."

"Take a seat," Red told me, so I sat down on the edge of my bed. "Harry and you are in this position to find out whether you two should be together forever. I know you love him so much, and this causes you to feel afraid towards your relationship." This time she grabbed my hands tenderly. "Love is always unpredictable – you never know when it might stop. But I don't want you to be consumed by all these thoughts. It's common for people not to say it back instantly, and there's nothing wrong with it. Some of us aren't ready to say it aloud so fast. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

I felt my bottom lip tremble as I let Red's words sink in. "You're right." I said.

"I always am." Red spoke sassily, and eventually gave me a hug.