Poems of Death

Poisonous Soul

At times of my worst

I think of your arms

sliding firm around my waist

I think of your hot tears

and of your voice cracking

and the way you plead for five more minutes

the way you plead for five more years

the way you speak of every life we hold

I remember the way I asked you to let go

I remember when you asked me to stop this

and of the anger in your voice

and of the sadness in your soul

I've kept you to myself knowing I was pain

I am the fire that burns your lungs

you are the fire that burns my soul

you've given me yourself

I've given you my weight

I remember the way it feels 

when you hold me

I remember the strength I feel 

when your hands wrap me closer

I remember the pain I feel

knowing you are right

knowing I want to stay with you

and knowing it is wrong

and knowing you'll be hurt

and knowing I still will

because I'm a selfish heart

and I only want my pain to stop

and if it hurts you

I don't know if I could stop

you are made of strength

and you are made of love 

and you are made of all the things

I wish I could be myself

I wish I could be as sure as you

as kind as you

as selfless as you

I wish that I could love like you

in a way which doesn't end

until the other one gives up

but is still strong enough

to push the pain away

I wish that I could speak like you

in confidence off your rolling tongue

no matter how unsure I become

I wish that I could fight like you

in a passion of never ending grace

the way you hold me 

holds your soul

and if I push

I know you'll let go

but if I stay 

I wish I knew what to say

because nowadays I don't know if I'm the same

I can't tell if we're the same

I feel alone and cold

I feel alone and afraid

and when I cry 

cold water runs out of my eyes

my voice quivers in fear

and my strength leaves

until I'm the ball of blank paper

which you can throw in the trash

we are nothing alike

and I love you for it