Just Gotta Be Me

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

8:24 pm

Dear Diary,

Grandma once told me that I have wings. When I was born, my wings were small-so small that it was impossible to fly. But every day my wings got bigger.

My wings are probably a decent size by now, but it's still hard to fly.

Grandma also told me that everyone has wings, and every day their wings get bigger.

I'm not really sure why I told you this. I was just in the shower, when I remembered it, and figured that it would be a good idea to write it down. At least now future generations will know what my Grandma told me so that they may tell their kids and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and etc.

Dad's birthday is in five days. I want to call him-to fix whatever father-daughter relationship we had. But I'll probably just start crying and yelling at him about how it isn't right replacing Grandpa with Robbie.

I still don't understand why someone would want to do that to Grandpa. I mean, I don't even know Robbie! And I've grown up with Grandpa.

You know how I keep Grandpa's memory alive? I talk about bananas. It probably doesn't make sense to you, but it's just ... a way to deal with it all. See, Grandma had told me about the time Grandpa and I had had this very in-depth discussion about a banana. Nobody knows what we were talking about other than it had to do with that banana.

I miss him.

It's getting harder to accept that it's gone. It hurts to wake up and think about him lying in that coffin.

I couldn't look at him then. I still couldn't. But I did catch glimpses. And those scared me. It feels like every time I close my eyes I see him all pale-skinned and unmoving.

I wish that I hadn't taken him for granted. I wish I had visited more often.

I've got to go. I've got school tomorrow.

Love,

Aly

8:50 pm