Should Have Known (Camren)

Chapter 51

I looked in the mirror and sighed. I had been doing a lot of that lately. It was really all I had the energy to do- just look at myself and think about what an idiot I was for not telling Camila how I felt about her the first chance I got. I had wasted so much time and I knew in my heart we would never get it back. Exactly a year had passed since our breakup and nothing had changed. We'd had flings here and there and there were obviously times when I believed there was hope, but it was all for nothing. It was useless. I was useless. I was nothing to Camila, at least not what I wanted to be.

The girls and I decided to go to one of Troy's friends' party after our first full week in the studio to relax. It was small and local and we didn't plan to stay long, but I wasn't exactly in the mood to party, especially not with Camila. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and silently beat myself up over everything I wished I could say. Of course, I had already been there and done that multiple times and it hadn't accomplished anything, so I decided to go along with it. I deserved to have a good time for once anyway. Dinah knocked on my door and stepped inside, leaning against the door frame and smiling sadly in my direction.

"You ready to go?" she asked.

"Almost," I nodded.

She pushed herself off the door frame and walked over to me, coming up behind me and placing both hands on my shoulders. I looked at her reflection in the mirror and could tell she knew how I was feeling. Dinah was like that. She could sense discouragement from a thousand miles away, and she was always there in a heartbeat to fix it.

"Camila told me what happened last night," she informed me.

"Oh," I sighed.

"Look, I know it sucks, but just try to have a good time tonight, okay?" she encouraged. "You deserve it just as much as anyone else, if not more. Just ignore her if that helps. She'll come around eventually, you know that. I know that. I'm sure it's just the stress of the album and everything that happened with Austin that's getting to her. You just have to give her time."

"I've already given her infinite amounts of time," I groaned. "I just...I wish I could have a sign. Any sign. Just something that will tell me how she feels, you know? And she won't give me a sign. I've tried, but there's nothing there."

Dinah stepped to my side and picked up my lipstick, leaning over towards the mirror and applying it. She was so carefree, yet she still cared. I wished that I could have been more like her. It seemed like she was perfectly balanced on the line between caring too much and not caring enough.

"She's not just going to give you a sign, Lo," she told me, puckering her lips and then leaning against the wall beside my vanity. "You and I both know Camila well enough to know that she's about as stubborn as stubborn gets. She's too smart for her own good and she knows she'd be an idiot to just throw herself on you and risk getting hurt, so she'd rather drop subtle little hints here and there."

"I'm tired of subtle hints," I complained. "I just need one big one that will tell me for sure how she feels."

"Yeah, well, good luck with that," she chuckled. "Camila's a pain in the ass, but maybe that's why we love her so much. She's trouble but she's worth it."

I smiled and stepped into my shoes, reaching towards Dinah for support. I was glad to have friends like her to talk me through all the bull. In fact, I wasn't entirely sure that I wouldn't have lost my mind by that point had the girls not been there for me. If I couldn't have Camila, at least I could have them, and for the time being, that was enough for me.

"Let's party," I smirked.

...

Troy cut the engine to his car outside of the party and we all climbed out. Camila stepped around to join Dinah and Normani and they walked inside side by side. I waited for Ally and we followed, keeping our distance from the other girls only so we could keep our distance from Camila. Our two groups split up in different directions and Troy joined Ally and me while we found our way into the kitchen, heading right for the drinks. Troy grabbed a beer from the cooler and I went straight for the vodka, receiving disapproving looks from Ally.