Find You There (Fanfic Version)

Sixty-Four

A rather long pause takes over. I can hear him breathing heavily, the people talking indistinctly behind him and a few growls of cars.

I put him on speaker for no apparent reason beside of wanting him to just say something again.

"Do you ever miss me?" He asks, his voice overcame by fear or sadness. I'm not sure.

Even if we're miles away from each other, I can feel the tension in the air. I feel like one small wrong word, he will explode.

"Yeah," I answer honestly, never showing a hint of doubt.

"I'll miss you," he says. Will. . . Future.

I stay quiet. I don't really have anything else to say to him.

I know him. I can even picture where he is and what he's doing. He is probably licking his lips and staring off at the track from a distance, waiting as his team prepares. His crew chief, Lennon is saying a lot of things to him that he isn't listening to.

It's the same scenario where his crew chief would groan upon realizing that he's talking to me and that's why he doesn't care about anything. But I highly doubt if his crew chief even suspects that it's me he's calling.

"This -- This is rather strange," he says and then partly chuckles. "I've called you up with the whole list of things I want to say but now it's as though they've gone with the wind. I haven't an idea what to say."

He's trying to lighten himself up. I know he's trying to smile, trying to cheer up but his voice is faltering. It's the only thing coming in between me and his wall of lies, a picture trying to paint him as someone still holding it together.

I keep staring at my phone screen, the unknown number flashing as I listen to the wild noises surrounding him. I love those times when I'd be in the heat of all the racing excitement.

"I love calling you up before races," he trails on. "I just thought I'd do it one last time."

I don't like it when he keeps saying those last words. It's even painful to hear but I didn't want to tell him that.

"Good God, I've got nothing to say," he almost whispers and then chuckles again. "I've got nothing to say."

I smile, "That's okay. Y-You can just tell me anything."

It feels natural now. We're both faking it, well, at least I know I am because I'm not exactly at my happiest. Still, there's something in this conversation that is easing me too well, in fact, I'm missing those times even more.

Silence is getting more comfortable by the second so I sit back and wait for Harry to say something again. It's not as complicated as it seemed to be. It was either I let go or I don't. Just two choices where I made the wrong one.

"Do you want to know why I never took you back to the Tenerife?" He asks.

I am not sure if I know because I've wondered about it more than a few times. Why, in the three years we've been together, he always speaks highly of the place but we never came back.

"Why?" Curiouser and curiouser.

"Because I told myself, if we're going back there, that'll be the day you'll say, 'I do.' That's the one place where I realized I loved you. Looking at you, staring at the sea, it's just a beautiful sight I told myself I need to see on a memorable day. And I want to see it again."

I almost don't believe it. I shut my eyes, trying to think of the words to say but I end up failing miserably.

"But I guess, I can't now. . ." Melancholy in his tone. He sounds miserable yet here I am, trying to be stronger. . . resisting the urges.