Guns and ships [Lafayette X Reader]

Chapter 53

Lafayette and I sit on opposite edges of the bed as I tell him what happened with Jefferson. I stare at my hands the entire time, clasping them together in my lap, wondering why I'm telling him everything. Surely he'll never trust me again.

I feel nothing for Jefferson in that way, but the events I'm recounting seem to strongly suggest otherwise.

I don't know how Laf is feeling and I don't even look at him once until I finally stop speaking and glance up at him.

His eyes are red and he is looking straight towards me, though he appears distant and doesn't seem entirely focused on me.

My heart stops for a moment as I wonder in horror if he is picturing Jefferson and me. And the kiss.

I push the thought away though. I know that it is most likely the case but I cannot bear to think about it.

How childish that is. Not even being mature enough to face the consequences of my actions.

The room remains silent for several excruciatingly long moments before he speaks.

"Y/N..."

I panic for a second thinking we're through, which is no more than I deserve but I'm not letting the love of my life slip away without a fight. Especially over a stupid kiss I didn't want, from a man I do not love.

"I love you." I choke out, tears threatening to fall. Looking up at Laf, I try to read his expression but it is like stone.

This is it. I brace myself for the inevitable. You've really messed up this time.

But instead of him telling me we're through he walks out of the room without a word, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I sit, frozen for a while. I'm not sure how long. Maybe a minute. Maybe an hour. The only thing that causes me to stir is when the door creaks open. My heart leaps, hoping to see Lafayette come back into the room to tell me he loves me and forgives me but unfortunately I am instead faced with Jefferson.

"Mr Jefferson." I say, acknowledging his presence with no emotion in my voice.

"Ms Lee." He replicates my tone as he pulls a chair from behind the small desk in the corner and takes a seat.

I glare at him and cannot stop the repulsion I feel for him- the man who probably has cost me my future life with Lafayette. Although I know this is not fair. I am just as much to blame as he is. Perhaps more.

I try to soften my stare, feeling guilty. "I must apologise." I start with a shaky voice. "Whatever I may have insinuated to you... I never intended to display any attempts to perhaps win your affection. I am committed to Laf. Nothing will change that."

"You told him?" He gestures to puffy eyes and the apparent absence of my fiancé.

I stay silent but this appears to answer his question and he nods.

"I'm sorry for what happened. It was improper of me."

I roll me eyes. Improper seems too tame a term to use for an action such as kissing an engaged lady.

His lips turn into a small smile as if he knows what I'm thinking and finds it amusing.

"Indeed. Well I wanted to tell you that I shall be returning home shortly, which I am sure you are now pleased to know. So I suppose this is goodbye."

"You're leaving right now?" I blurt out. I would have preferred to show my indifference but the words leave my mouth before I register the thought.

"Yes, well not exactly. I'll be starting my journey in several days but I will be sure to keep out of your way. I have a feeling my presence is not appreciated."

I am about to contradict him, to tell him I enjoy his company, but I see Laf's face in my mind and think better if it.

"Goodbye Mr Jefferson."

"Goodbye Y/N."

And with that he walks out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

A/N: what do you guys think will happen next?
It was my birthday afew days ago yay! Another year older...
Anyway the one year anniversary of this book is coming up and I have something very special planned so stay tuned ;)
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