why dont we imagines and preferences

imagine for 5sos_fan_nina

*trigger warning*

Nina's POV

 "hey Nina were going to the beach today, you coming?" my boyfriend Daniel asked.

"um no i'm not feeling very well, i think im going to stay" i said trying to sound believable.

"oh babe you want me to stay then? i can take care of you" Daniel said putting his hand over my head to check and see if i had a fever.

i pushed his hand away and said
"no, no I can take care of myself" i said. he looked at me weirdly before sighing in defeat.

"ok i'll be back later tonight" he said kissing my head and heading out the door.

the rest of the boys came out of the hallway and headed out the door. all of them except Jack. 

Jack and I have been best friends for years. we new everything about each other and i always tell him everything.
lately though i haven't really talked to him.

it's like i shut him out almost completely from my life. i shut all the boys out.
that's just another reason why i hate myself so much. i didn't mean to, it's just that  he wouldn't understand.
none of the boys would understand.
i have been a bit distant from the boys lately. this would be the 5th time Iv'e cancelled plans or bailed on their plans. i think they've officially given up on trying to get me to go with them.

"Nina you coming?" Jack asked.  

"oh um no im not feeling very well" i said not looking him in the eye.

"you look completely fine to me" he said

 'if only you knew' i thought to myself.

"the boys are waiting for you, you should go before they leave you" i said trying to change the conversation.

he nodded knowing that i didn't want to continue this conversation. he gave me one last hopeful look before walking out the door.

i wasn't always so distant.
the boys and I would do everything together.
i started getting distant when the hate comments started coming. at first it was just one or two but with every picture i posted and every tweet more hate comments would come. they made me feel worthless, like i wasn't good enough, that the boys didn't really like me, that Daniel was with me for pity.
they made me feel so low, that i had picked up a habit of cutting myself. 

when the boys we here i would put on a fake smile. most of the time i would go out for a walk or stay in my bedroom, so they wouldn't ask me that dreaded question

"are you ok?"

because then i would have to lie to them once again and tell them

"im fine" and fake a smile;

when in reality im not fine. im drowning and i can't find the surface. im trying to reach the surface but peoples comments keep blocking it. of course i would never tell Daniel this. he cared about me and i knew that, but these were his fans and i would never get between him and his fans. they meant so much to him. 

as i heard the car leave i sighed in relief. they were gone. i was finally alone. i could finally let it out without any of the boys worrying.
 i know it isn't healthy to keep this pain inside, but if it meant Daniel would never have to worry, then its worth it.

i got on my phone and scrolled through twitter. i read through all the tweets.
"shes ugly"
shes fat"
Daniel can do so much better"
"why is jack best friends with her?"
 that last one was the cherry on top.