Just Kidding | ✔️

Chapter 54: The Truth

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The room smells of medicine and menthol, which in my troubled mind, translates to death and AIDS.

So saying I dislike the nurse's office is a bit of an understatement. From the cream-colored walls to the wax-paper sheets over the beds to keep you from catching the diseases that those before me might have carried, and the overly kind nurses. It is simply horrid.

"Kyla? What brings you here?" Nurse Elena asks, lifting a perfectly shaped eyebrow from behind the desk. She leaves the company of nurse Beth to scurry over to me.

"Not sure," I shrug. The nurse closes the door behind me and I inevitably get the feeling of being locked in, caged like an animal. I peer up at her to watch as she inspects the spots and bruises on my body.

"And before you ask, no these bruises are not caused by a thing or human." I close my eyes, quelling the pain that shoots through me when she touches my skin. "I'm just clumsy."

"I believe you." She holds a finger to my pulse. "Do you mind telling me of any other aches and pains you are having as of lately?" She pulls out the stethoscope and places it to my chest, I breathe in then out.

"Umm, well. Other than bruising easily, I've been coughing. Mostly blood, but it's not much. I guess I've been super tired too but I think maybe it's the lack of sleep. I haven't been getting much rest lately due to the spontaneous nose bleeds." I watch her expression fall.

"What? What is it?" I ask skeptically. If I was concerned before, I am now.

"Honey," She pats my knee and starts taking rushed steps towards the desk. "I'm going to need you to see a doctor." Picking up the telephone, she begins to dial who I presume is Lora as she addresses her multiple times. My attention wavers from the urgent tone of the nurse to the shrill ring of the bell signaling the beginning of lunch.

Once nurse Elena finishes the call, she informs me that Lora is on her way to pick me up.

All of a sudden my phone buzzes and I pull it out to see Blake's contact.

Blake:
Hey, where r you? I came to your table at lunch, but ur friends say they haven't seen you?

-I'm in the nurse's office.

Blake:
What? Why? Are you okay? What's going on?

A single tear falls from my eye but I find the courage to type, "I'm fine" Anyways.

I'm so caught up in my lie that I hardly notice Lora is standing in front of the nurses desk, talking in hushed tones.

Once we're in the parking lot, leaving behind the school along with the peppy students and mindless chatter, I find Lora's car parked in the carpool lane.

I take a seat in the warmth of Lora's vehicle and steadily let out a breath of air. The feeling is as rejuvenating as it is agonizing. Standing hurts more than it used to. So does talking and breathing . . . even feeling.

I'm slowly losing the will to allow air in through my lungs on my own. I need a helping hand, I need Cooper, we're supposed to be always and forever but somehow I'm starting to think that those words are losing their light.

The day is incredibly beautiful as I exit the car. The rain has stopped and bits of sunlight pour out from the clouds above. A gust of wind passes by as I walk towards the hospital doors.

Birds chirp and trees dance in their skeletons, the leaves have fallen to the ground.

"Lora! How lovely it is to see you," someone who I assume is a friend of Lora's, greets us.

Lora smiles faintly at the nurse who ticks her clipboard under her arm.

"Hi Darcie, can I get Dr. Langford to see us? It's urgent." Lora pleads. Just as the nurse, Darcie, begins to nod, a more masculine voice is heard from behind.
"Did someone call for me?" A middle-aged man, who I presume is Dr. Langford smiles at us.

"Yes, please. We just need some scans or X-Rays. Anything." Lora wraps an arm around me and I instinctively snuggle closer into her. She smells of jasmine and feels like summer, I shut my eyes and try to imagine what summer is like here in Santa Cruz but it was so long ago

"Yes. Right this way." The Doctor leads us through a set of doors and further down a corridor where he presents a room of white and simplicity. I immediately plant myself on the bed and lazily scan the room. Lining the walls are posters of medical terms and harmful bacteria. The floors are a dark cream color and the utensils are all stored away in jars or containers.

"Ready to begin?" The Doctor asks and with a curt nod I lean back, ready for the line of questions followed by a brief exam. This is going to be a long day.

• • •

Dr. Langford stands in front of me with a clipboard and a pitiful grin, gesturing for Lora and I to follow him into his office.

Well, here we go . . . .

It smells much better than the other parts of the building. It is redolent of fresh coffee and his walls are a much dimmer color, the red wood furniture is worn and the stacks of papers in boxes behind his desk is overwhelming.

Taking a seat in the chair beside Lora, I tap my feet against the carpet with each passing second. Meanwhile Lora's fingers glide over the wood of the armchair, her strokes becoming hesitant the longer Dr.Langford takes to adjust in his seat and clear off his desk.

My stomach turns and I think of Cooper's hands moving over my skin to settle me down. I would give anything for us to be like that again.

Dr. Langford clears his throat.

I'm fine. It is all going to be fine.
Dammit, where has the time gone?

God, he is opening his mouth.
Please, just a few moments longer,
Just wait until I can breathe once more,

Don't speak,
Don't unfold the agony.
Don't tell me the news...

"So, it seems that something is truly wrong . . . ," the Doctor explains.

"Okay, but do you know what it is exactly? What's wrong with her?" Lora pleads, fidgeting in her seat.

The doctor waits, waiting until she's settled.

"What is it doctor?" Lora releases a sigh and relaxes in the chair. Once he opens his mouth, Lora's eyes shut tight.

For a moment I wonder if I should do the same and close my eyes to welcome the darkness. Maybe if my eyes are closed then the outcome won't seem as horrifying or as big.

Then I think: no, they need to stay open. I need to feel every waking moment of this horribly unbelievable life. I need to watch his eyes once his lips reveal the tragic news, and I need to feel the world change in that instant. Watch as the leaves turn grey and the skies no longer breathe in life but death.

It's my body and I am responsible for what has happened to it. Only I can bear this pain; only I can listen with my eyes open and wait until it's final.

Just one more second.
My heart stops.
It hurts.

But no matter how painful this is, no tears leave my eyes and no words form on my lips, because before I can open up the cage that holds billions of sentences and feelings within, he speaks and it's already too late for me.

"She . . ."